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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below give information about five countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

The bar chart below give information about five countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."
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The chart compares the spending habits of shoppers in five European countries on six consumer products, namely console games, outdoor game accessories, cosmetics, books, toys and
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, more
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on the latter two than on any other product. It can be observed that in Britain, the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on camera (more than 160 million pounds),
while
Linking Words
 similar amounts were spent on console games and outdoor game accessories. The Austrian spent the second highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on the first three products
while
Linking Words
 they stood
last
Linking Words
 in the latter three. It is
also
Linking Words
 revealed that
Spanish
Correct article usage
the Spanish
show examples
 spent more
money
Use synonyms
 on toys than on any other product (a bit less than £150 million), but they
also
Linking Words
 paid a lot for
camera
Correct article usage
the camera
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Belgian
Correct article usage
the Belgian
show examples
 spent the least
overall
Linking Words
, having similar spending figures for all 6 products compared in the bar chart.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the British were the biggest spenders in all six categories among the nations compared in the bar chart
while
Linking Words
 the lowest spending levels were attributed to the residents of Belgium.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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