Visits to and from the UK changed from 1979 to 1999

The line graph explains how the number of
visits
to and from the
UK
changed from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by
UK
residents
in 1999.
At
Change the preposition
In
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the beginning,
visits
abroad by
UK
residents
showed a slight increase of almost 10
million
from 1979 to 1984.
This
was followed by constant growth through the years reaching a significant rise of over 50
million
in 1999. Despite both trends starting at around 10
million
visits
to the
UK
in 1979 there is a significant difference between them.
In contrast
to
visits
abroad by
UK
residents
,
visits
to the
UK
by overseas
residents
reached a lower growth of almost 30
million
in 1999. The bar graph shows that the most popular country to visit was France with around 11
million
in 1999.
In contrast
to France, Turkey had the lowest
visits
with around 2
million
in the same year.
Submitted by Pilar on

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, try to fully address the prompt by providing a comparison or analysis of the trends over the years rather than just describing them. This can include mentioning key milestones or shifts in the data, and explaining potential reasons or implications of these trends.
Coherence
Improve coherence by creating clearer connections between your ideas. Use a range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between sentences and paragraphs. For example, to indicate a rising trend, consider phrases like 'subsequently', 'thereafter', or 'leading to'.
Cohesion
For cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support or elaborate on that idea. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on it.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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