Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree?

#improvement #health #education #trade #development #nations #governments #responsibility #areas

There has increasingly been a discussion about whether developed

countries

have a right to help other

countries

suffering from health problems and education. I will explore which policies about assistance are decent or not in

this

essay as concisely as possible. First of all, we have to admit that education and health are essential for people to live in

this

world

However

, some

countries

still go through these problems,

such

as experiencing water deficits and severe hydrine shortages. I affirm that these problems have tremendous responsibility for somehow developed

countries

. We have seen a history of war brought on by developed

countries

. Obviously, many developed

countries

cannot be exceptional on

this

issue.

For example

, during WWII, Japan was able to develop a thriving economy using Korea's war. By using Korea's resources or Korea's situation, they could make the money they want.

Secondly

, taking positive actions makes us a better

world

. Victims of poverty and hydrine shortages are mostly children and vulnerable classes. For our

world

last

, we have to not ignore these victims.

Thus

, we have to take into consideration developing

countries

because the

world

is linked to each other like the human body, and thanks to their sacrifice, developed

countries

can live without any difficulty.

Thus

, developed

countries

should be more responsible on

this

issue. In conclusion, from my perspective, developed

countries

could play a crucial role when it comes to assisting other

countries

suffering from poverty.

Submitted by enoklee on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Task Achievement

Your introduction seems to veer off slightly from directly addressing the question posed by the prompt. It's important to directly address the question about the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt. Consider restructuring your introduction to more directly state your position.

Coherence & Cohesion

You made a good effort to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there could be improvements in the logical flow between these parts. To enhance coherence, use clear and consistent topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Task Achievement

You provided some examples to support your points, but these could be more specific and relevant to the topic of international aid in health, education, and trade. Try to use clear, real-world examples that directly support your arguments about why richer nations should help poorer ones.

Coherence & Cohesion

The conclusion provides a personal viewpoint, which is good, but it could be strengthened by summarizing the key arguments made in the essay more explicitly. This will reinforce the reader's understanding of your stance and the reasons behind it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

239 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

The current trend in education is to move away from traditional exams and instead have continuous assignments over the school year. What do you think of this trend?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Training for work is far more important than providing a broad-based education. You should use your own ideas and experience and support your argument with examples.

Formal exams are used to assess students at the end of each semester in many countries. Why are these exams used by schools and universities? What other types of assessment are possible?