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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #information #features #comparisons
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The charts show the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who did not get a full-time job after graduating from college in the UK, in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who made
further
Linking Words
 study after their graduation was the highest
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
both
Use synonyms
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who did voluntary work was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
 charts.
Students
Use synonyms
 who did
further
Linking Words
 study had the highest rate with almost 30000.
Post
Correct your spelling
Postgraduate
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it was equal to
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. People who did voluntary work had the lowest rate in
both
Use synonyms
 3500 and 345.
Graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who got unemployed were almost half the rate of
students
Use synonyms
 who did
further
Linking Words
 study, with a
number
Use synonyms
 of 16235 and 1625.
Students
Use synonyms
 who got part-time jobs had the second highest
number
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
 charts with 17735 and 2535 people.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, further".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, both, graduate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graduate/postgraduate students
  • full-time work
  • further study
  • part-time education
  • voluntary work
  • unemployment
  • travel/gap year
  • percentage/proportion
  • field of study
  • economic factors
  • trends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • correlate
  • preferences
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