IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an average employee is legally obliged to retire at the age of 55 or 60, while in others, like Japan, people can work until they are physically and mentally fit to perform duties. what is the system prevailing in your country? until what age should people be allowed to countinue in salaried jobs. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Around the globe, in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 professionals have specific
Use synonyms
age-criterion
Correct your spelling
age criteria
show examples
 to
exctract
Correct your spelling
extract
 from their designation,
whereas
Linking Words
; in some states working people are free to continue their professional life until they feel intellectually and physically active, and still capable
to concentrate
Change preposition
of concentrating
show examples
 on their job tasks
such
Linking Words
 as in Japan.
However
Linking Words
, in our
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 criterion
is differ
Change the verb form
differs
show examples
 in both private and public sectors. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, pertinent causes with
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 examples will be explicated regarding, which
age
Use synonyms
 should be strict for the
rumeneration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
 vacancies in detail.
To begin
Linking Words
, with the pre-eminent cause of living in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 advanced and competitive era, it is necessary to implement specific retirement
age
Use synonyms
 laws in a country.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is a requirement for the success of any department to run
institute
Correct article usage
an institute
show examples
 with more latest trends, if they will not give the chance to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to take place and
work
Use synonyms
 with up-to-date strategies and abstract cognitive abilities
due to
Linking Words
 the reserved seats of old employers for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 period.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may not be able to
work
Use synonyms
 at
extensive
Correct article usage
an extensive
show examples
 level with
backword
Correct your spelling
backwards
show examples
 methodologies. A standout example is a
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
 company, where after
fifty five
Add a hyphen
fifty-five
show examples
 years of service they retire their staff member to recruit staff with modern capabilities.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is a
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 most
renonwned
Correct your spelling
renowned
 website all over the world.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, after
Correct your spelling
adulthood
adulthooh
Add a comma
adulthooh,
show examples
 it is common in every region of the world,
pepole's
Correct your spelling
people's
people
 are prone to develop many health issues
such
Linking Words
 as heart problems, weak vision and memory loss issues because of many reasons.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 limit, they do not consider
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 with persistent and
preserverence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
 abilities.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are innumerable reasons to limit the
age
Use synonyms
 for
salary related
Add a hyphen
salary-related
show examples
 posts as they escalate stress and demand high proficiency at
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, which is not possible to
maintan
Correct your spelling
maintain
 after adulthood with a wide range of physical and mental problems. It does not matter individual is working in
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
 sector or in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sector.
This
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 limit obligation
aought
Correct your spelling
ought
sought
bought
 to
be apply
Change the verb form
be applied
show examples
 in our country as well.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Logical Organization
Try to organize your essay with clear paragraphing and a logical flow of ideas. This will make your argument easier to follow for the reader.
Introduction & Conclusion Clarity
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and reflect the overall argument of your essay. They should serve as a roadmap to your discussion and its conclusion.
Supporting Evidence
Expand your main points with specific examples and evidence. This substantiates your argument and makes it more compelling for the reader.
Proofreading
To enhance readability and coherence, make sure to proofread for punctuation, capitalization, and grammatical errors. Consistency is key to clear communication.
Language Use
Consider practicing more complex sentence structures and vocabulary. This will help in clearly expressing nuanced ideas and arguments. Remember, diversity in language use shows a good command of the language.
Clear Thesis Statement
Providing a clear stance on the topic from the beginning sets a good foundation for your discussion. Keep it up!
Use of Examples
Your effort to include examples, such as the Google company, adds relevance to your argument. Try to incorporate even more detailed examples to strengthen your positions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: