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Band 4

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
People determining their
career
 path at the beginning and continuing are more likely to have a rewarding working life
instead
 of the others who change their occupations regularly. From my perspective,
although
 patience in a
career
 path is one of the keys to success, the experience of trying various jobs will acquire desirable working life First and foremost, those people are able to concentrate on training to enhance their skills more master, which seizes the opportunities for promotion.
As a result
, they will receive higher salaries than before and
then
 can afford to buy exorbitant objects by which they are fascinated. It is the main reason why people who have more experience in their careers are quite uncomplicated to have a comfortable life at work.
In contrast
, trying a variety of works would improve feelings by preventing dull work from repetition.
For instance
, shop
assistant
Fix the agreement mistake
assistants
show examples
 will become bored because of the repetition of the job on a daily basis.
Moreover
, it brings the lack of money to obtain high income, which declines significant passion and effort in their work.
And
Correct word choice
Then
show examples
then
 they have to apply for another suitable job to get a salary extremely
also
 more excited about
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
career
. In conclusion, I supposed that job satisfaction depends on numerous
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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, rather than a single determining
career
 path for a long time
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

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introduction
To improve your essay, ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion. This helps in directly addressing the essay prompt.
sentence structure
Try to include a variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing concrete evidence for your points.
conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarises your main points and reiterates your opinion firmly. This wraps up your essay nicely and reinforces your stance.
balanced argument
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
topic understanding
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and attempts to develop a reasoned argument.
vocabulary use
Your use of topic-specific vocabulary contributes positively to the quality of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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