IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The picture below shows the use of renewable energy accounting the total energy from 1971 to 2011

#picture #energy
The line graph depicts the rise and fall of renewable
energy
use
 in six developed nations spanning 40 years between 1971 and 2011.
Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that five out of six countries showed an increased
use
 of renewable
energy
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. Finland topped the list throughout the period despite a mild drop towards the end of the period. In 1971, Finland headed the list of renewable
energy
use
 among six countries with almost 25%. Next came Denmark with 15% and France with 6% of total
energy
 consumption. Germany, the United States and the United Kingdom were at the bottom, varying from 5% to less than zero respectively. With respect to the figure for Finland, it evidently followed an erratic trend with a low of roughly 16% between 1986 and 1991 before recovering to 23% in 2011. Being even more erratic, the proportion of renewable
energy
use
 in Denmark fluctuated widely in an upward trend to reach a high of 17%. At the same time, despite starting low close to zero, the consumption of renewable power in the United States skyrocketed to 18% in 2011. Meanwhile,
this
 source of
energy
also
 saw a rise in its share in France, Germany and the United Kingdom, constituting approximately 15%, 13% and a negligible 6%
at the end
 of the period.
Submitted by datnguyen220707 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Clarity
Ensure clarity when describing data trends. While your overall depiction is good, some areas could be clearer. For instance, 'fluctuated widely in an upward trend' could be simplified to 'fluctuated but generally increased' for clearer communication.
Structure
Consider adding a short conclusion or summary at the end to reaffirm the main trends. This would neatly wrap up your analysis and enhance the overall coherence.
Task Response
Make sure to directly address all parts of the prompt. Your essay does a good job, but always check if you've missed any component that was required.
Content
You've effectively outlined the major trends and changes in renewable energy use over the period, making your essay informative.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a logical flow from one country's data to another, which aids in the reader's understanding.
Detail
Using specific percentages and comparing the countries directly provides a detailed and comprehensive picture of the situation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: