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Writing Samples
Band 7

The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010.overall ,it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased,while by stream increased over the given time period.

The given line graph illustrates the proportion of the total music sold by three different ways between 2011 to 2010.overall ,it can be seen that the percentage of music sold through download and cds purchased decreased,while by stream increased over the given time period.
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The chart depicts the percentage of the total
music
Use synonyms
 in three selling ways from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the growth of Stream
Music
Use synonyms
 was fast, and in 2018 it became
the
Change the article
apply
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dominant.
However
Linking Words
, the opposite trend can be seen in the CDs purchased
music
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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, downloaded
music
Use synonyms
 remained constant. Looking at the chart more closely one can see that Steam
Music
Use synonyms
 sales ascended dramatically from 5% in 2011 to 41% in 2018. It gained 41% of sales. CDs purchased
music
Use synonyms
 declined significantly in the survey, and in 2018 it
almost
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apply
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lost approximately 30% of sales. Downloaded
music
Use synonyms
 in 2011 accounted
about
Change preposition
for about
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 33%. In 2014 it peaked at around 45%.
Subsequently
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, it
was dropping
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 and
finally
Linking Words
 reached 30% in 2018.
This
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 was the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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type
keep
Wrong verb form
that kept
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 relatively stable during these years. The ranking of
this
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 graph changed entirely in these 7 years. The one that accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 most in 2011 became the least in 2018.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words music with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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