IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places #people #ban
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The second main reason why
this
 ban is warranted is that it helps those addicted to cigarettes quit their habit. A law prohibiting smoking in public areas forces smokers to leave the company of everyone else if they want to have a cigarette. Most people dislike feeling ostracised, and
this
 can provide excellent motivation to quit.
For instance
, social pressure brought about by smoking bans is often cited by ex-smokers as one of the reasons they gave up the habit. In conclusion, I believe that making it against the law to smoke in public should be encouraged because it prevents innocent people from developing serious health conditions caused by passive smoking and reduces the number of smokers.
Submitted by serginio.nick on

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coherence cohesion
Consider including a broader range of cohesive devices and transitions for smoother flow between ideas.
task achievement
Expand your essay by addressing both points of view to strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with concrete examples, enhancing the persuasive aspect.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the introduction and reaffirms your position, which is good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
What to do next:
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