IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Today there is an intensive debate about what is the most important factor for individuals who are looking for a
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some argue that
job
Use synonyms
 convincing is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential factor
while
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another
Correct quantifier usage
others
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invoke
Verb problem
argue
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 that a
job
Use synonyms
 must provide sufficient wages, pension, and medical insurance.So, in
this
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 article, I am going to discuss both views and what is the best form them.
Firstly
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, lots of experts discussed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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happiness is
connecting
Wrong verb form
connected
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 with a
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfactory
show examples
 career.
For example
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, we witnessed a lot of individuals in varied social media areas like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and others
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
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a stunning samples
Correct the article-noun agreement
a stunning sample
stunning samples
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 of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 businesses because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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like
that
Correct pronoun usage
what they
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 are doing .
Moreover
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, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 believes in his
job
Use synonyms
 he will be creative in their field. For
this
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, those people who are defending
about
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 idea believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is the most effective for
goals
Change the noun form
goal
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 achievement.
On the other hand
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, another gathering
go
Change the verb form
goes
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 beyond that any career should
be enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 employees to live with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dinghy.
For example
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, everyone needs fees for living, studying and treatment.
Furthermore
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, individuals
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 well in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 duties by
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 sufficient wages during their
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
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 with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 institutions and
secure
Wrong verb form
securing
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his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 pensions after retirement. For
this
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,
job
Use synonyms
 security is the best
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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 to achieve creativity
according to
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latter
Add an article
the latter
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 group.
To conclude
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, both views provided
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
sufficient
Change preposition
with sufficient
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 evidence that
job
Use synonyms
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 and financial privilege
are
Change the verb form
is
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 important. I believe that balance between them is required, and
anyone
Correct word choice
if anyone
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 to perform his work without any
of
Change preposition
apply
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job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction or
job
Use synonyms
 security, he would probably awful in his work. So ,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 complementary between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 factors is required.

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Introduction
Clarify your introduction by directly addressing the essay topic and outlining what your discussion will cover.
Support Arguments
Use specific examples to support your points. Your essay mentions 'stunning samples' but doesn't delve into any concrete examples.
Coherence
Work on organizing your thoughts more clearly. Transition phrases can help make the progression of ideas smoother.
Conclusion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes both views discussed and reiterates your stance clearly.
Language Accuracy
Watch your spelling and grammar. Consider revising phrases for clarity and correctness, such as 'the happiness is connecting with a satisfied career' to 'happiness is connected to a satisfying career'.
Balance
You successfully addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Engagement with Topic
You demonstrated a good attempt to engage with the topic, showing personal reflection and opinion.
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