IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #factor #security
Today there is an intensive debate about what is the most important factor for individuals who are looking for a
job
.
However
, some argue that
job
 convincing is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential factor
while
another
Correct quantifier usage
others
show examples
invoke
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 that a
job
 must provide sufficient wages, pension, and medical insurance.So, in
this
 article, I am going to discuss both views and what is the best form them.
Firstly
, lots of experts discussed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness is
connecting
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 with a
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfactory
show examples
 career.
For example
, we witnessed a lot of individuals in varied social media areas like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and others
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
a stunning samples
Correct the article-noun agreement
a stunning sample
stunning samples
show examples
 of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 businesses because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
like
that
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 are doing .
Moreover
, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 believes in his
job
 he will be creative in their field. For
this
, those people who are defending
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 idea believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
 satisfaction is the most effective for
goals
Change the noun form
goal
show examples
 achievement.
On the other hand
, another gathering
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 beyond that any career should
be enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 employees to live with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 dinghy.
For example
, everyone needs fees for living, studying and treatment.
Furthermore
, individuals
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 well in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 duties by
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 sufficient wages during their
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
 with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 institutions and
secure
Wrong verb form
securing
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 pensions after retirement. For
this
,
job
 security is the best
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to achieve creativity
according to
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 group.
To conclude
, both views provided
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
sufficient
Change preposition
with sufficient
show examples
 evidence that
job
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 and financial privilege
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important. I believe that balance between them is required, and
anyone
Correct word choice
if anyone
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 to perform his work without any
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job
 satisfaction or
job
 security, he would probably awful in his work. So ,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 complementary between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 factors is required.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Introduction
Clarify your introduction by directly addressing the essay topic and outlining what your discussion will cover.
Support Arguments
Use specific examples to support your points. Your essay mentions 'stunning samples' but doesn't delve into any concrete examples.
Coherence
Work on organizing your thoughts more clearly. Transition phrases can help make the progression of ideas smoother.
Conclusion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes both views discussed and reiterates your stance clearly.
Language Accuracy
Watch your spelling and grammar. Consider revising phrases for clarity and correctness, such as 'the happiness is connecting with a satisfied career' to 'happiness is connected to a satisfying career'.
Balance
You successfully addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Engagement with Topic
You demonstrated a good attempt to engage with the topic, showing personal reflection and opinion.
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