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Band 5.5

It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide places in university for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #places #university #proportion #people
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years,there has been a constant upsurge in the number of
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
students
.So,it is difficult for the nation to offer enough seats for them in graduate courses.In my view,dispensing university educational services on
such
 a large scale brings about no practical value to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,and
also
,it is infeasible to carry out
this
 policy. First of all,too much rise in population level results in making it impossible for all pupils to get a seat
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 campus.
For example
, as per
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 news survey of 2021,every third matric passed student of India was going abroad in search of higher education.
Secondly
,many colleges have a certain amount of percentage cut like 98 percent and above.Clearly,making it out of
consideration
Correct article usage
the consideration
show examples
 list for
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of youth.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least, many
students
also
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to different countries to get a degree which
inturns
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
 lessens the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of vacant seats for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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of
Change preposition
from
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home
Correct pronoun usage
their home
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 country.
On the other hand
,if all apprentices
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 colleges irrespective of their merits.It will yield no benefit to the
students
 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 worked hard in their high school years.
For instance
,a learner will study efficiently only when he gets
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a university for the sake of securing a decent job.
Moreover
, no matter how many people graduate,only a certain number of jobs are available in the market.
Thus
,leaving many disciples unemployed. These were some reasons behind not accommodating all the youngsters. In conclusion,I fully agree with the view and firmly believe that it is non-viable and nugatory to accommodate an excessive number of young
students
 at a university.
Submitted by loginfree246 on

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sentence structure
Make sure to use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and interest.
grammar
Review the use of articles (a, the) and plural forms to avoid common grammatical mistakes.
example use
Consider giving examples that are not solely centered on India or any other specific nation to make your argument more globally applicable.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear stance on the issue.
coherence
Logical flow and structure in your paragraphs help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
example use
Your ability to provide specific examples enhances the persuasive element of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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