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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given maps depict a community
park
 layout at present and when
it's
Wrong verb form
it was
show examples
 first established in 1920.
overall
 , the
park
 has undergone significant changes to its layout during the period with improvements in
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 and facilities
while
 demolishing some structures and natural areas. In detail, entrances to the
park
 from Eldon
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 and Arnold
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
were remained
Change to the active voice
remained
have remained
show examples
 unchanged with a new entrance from the new addition of
underground
Correct article usage
an underground
show examples
 car
park
 at the right lower corner of the
park
. The fountain which was there
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the middle of the
park
 at the beginning has been replaced with a rose garden surrounded by seating areas
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the middle today. The stage for musicians located left
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the previous fountain has
demolished
Add a missing verb
been demolished
show examples
 and replaced with a modern amphitheatre for concerts
while
rose
Correct article usage
the rose
show examples
 garden and the seating area just left to the Eldon
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 entrance have
completely
Add a missing verb
been completely
show examples
 demolished within the contemporary plan.
In addition
 to that, a cafe just right to the Arnold
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
 entrance and the water feature just
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the
undrground
Correct your spelling
underground
 car
park
 are added two new features compared to the old plan.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive overview of the changes in the park layout. However, to further improve, consider using a variety of sentence structures and linkers to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
You've done well in summarizing the information and selecting the main features. To enhance, ensure all comparisons are explicit and detailed, integrating comparative phrases where possible.
introduction
You effectively introduced the maps and provided a clear overall statement.
detail
Detailed description of changes in the park layout, mentioning both new additions and demolitions.
examples
Good use of specific examples to support your descriptions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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