Children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. however it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people say that
children
spend a lot of time watching and playing computer games
, however
it does not help in improving their mental abilities. Add a comma
however,
This
writer disagrees with this
statement because of the strong determination due to
the games
and teenagers’ s gallantry.
It must be understood that the
Correct article usage
apply
games
can help children
build volition. With construction games
, they have to complete the missions in order to increasing
their level. If they Change the verb
increase
don’ t
complete it once, they have to play again, try and try to get the rewards. Correct your spelling
don’t
This
not only help
them build their willChange the verb form
helps
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
help
them have Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
the
patience.
Another point to Correct article usage
apply
get
into Verb problem
take
the
consideration is Correct article usage
apply
the
kids can Correct your spelling
that
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
brave learning
from the Replace the word
bravely learn
games
or videos on the TV. Although
some games
and video
are violent and terrifying, they Fix the agreement mistake
videos
also
make the children
stronger. If these games
and videos are used by
a good way, the Change preposition
in
children
can build their will,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
have some personal skills. For example
, the
horror Correct article usage
apply
games
, some styles which trapped
the players in the houses and they have to find the exit, will teach them how to use the available tools to get out of the houses or deal with the problems.
In conclusion, the sturdy determination Wrong verb form
trap
due to
the games
and the teenagers’ s gallantry are the main reasons why the
spending too much time watching TV and playing computer Correct article usage
apply
games
of the children
are not help in developing their mental abilities is wrong. This
essay has shown the
Correct your spelling
that
children
spend
too much time watching and playing computer Wrong verb form
spending
games
is
not help in improving their mental abilities is not true.Verb problem
does
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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your stance, the body paragraphs should each focus on a single main point with examples, and the conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your position.
Content
Avoid repetition of ideas or phrases to make your argument more compelling and your writing more engaging.
Language
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency. Incorporating complex sentence structures and less common words can help enhance your writing.
Examples
While supporting your main points with examples is good, make sure to provide more detailed and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
You have a clear stance throughout the essay, which helps strengthen your argument.
Structure
Your essay structure attempts to follow the introductory-body-conclusion format, which is good for overall coherence and cohesion.
Content
You introduced interesting points regarding determination and courage as benefits of gaming, which made your argument unique.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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