IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?

#people #plan #activities #time #it’s #waste
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The majority of humans choose
planning
Change the verb form
to plan
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 with useful actions, but other
part
Change the wording
parts
show examples
 do not consider it as essential. If
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to plan carefully their free
time
Use synonyms
, their leisure
time
Use synonyms
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
show examples
 waste it.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 just watching social
media’s
Change noun form
media
show examples
 and it is useless for anyone who
dedicated
Wrong verb form
dedicates
show examples
 their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. The following paragraph will discuss both viewpoints differently. On one hand, carefully
plan
Replace the word
planning
show examples
 activities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 important. Planning your every step is better. If a person has plans before what they have to do it is
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 way for everyone.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister planted her every day and she always
save
Wrong verb form
saved
show examples
 her
time
Use synonyms
. As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 parents should encourage their kids to plan and support. Before planning every person should take pieces of advice from another person so it makes the task easy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 spend their freedom just watching
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet or
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 computer games. During the day, watching various videos on the internet, they do not notice how
time
Use synonyms
 passes.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 my
friends
Add a comma
friends,
show examples
 they don’t know how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
 their interim
time
Use synonyms
 and
that is
Linking Words
 why they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
all day
Add a hyphen
all-day
show examples
 social media and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
notice how
went
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their weekends . In conclusion, planning carefully activities is good because it saves
time
Use synonyms
nevertheless
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their days on social media, not knowing what to do
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 spare
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that each paragraph is well-organized and focused on a single main idea. This will enhance readability and coherence.
Examples
Use specific examples to support your points more effectively. This helps to illustrate your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
Sentence Structure
Vary your sentence structures to enhance the flow of your essay and keep the reader engaged.
Introduction/Conclusion
Work on the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. These should clearly state your position and succinctly summarize your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
Structure
The general structure of the essay is good, with a clear division between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: