IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that children receive compulsory subjects in local schools, others prefer private schools. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #subjects #schools
People are divided as to whether
pupils
 should get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mandatory knowledge in a
free -paying
Correct your spelling
free-paying
show examples
school
 or
regional
Correct article usage
a regional
show examples
school
 . From my view
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 children have to go to
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 education
cetre
Correct your spelling
centre
instead
 of private
for
Correct pronoun usage
ones for
show examples
 some reasons . Learning in private independent schools
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
 advantage .
Due to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 few
quantity
Change to a plural noun
quantities
show examples
 of
pupils
 in the lessons, they can
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 more information about their subjects, by reason of
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of noise. As , from statistics we know that when there are 10 students in the classroom
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30 , they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only attentively
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 their tutors but
also
 can easily
concentrating
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on the lessons.
However
 studying in private schools
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not affordable for many parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it is bleeding expensive . Despite the advantage of unprovided
school
 , I believe that children can acquire more valuable practices in government schools. Communication skill is
illustrative
Add an article
an illustrative
the illustrative
show examples
 analogy of
this
 .
As since
Correct word choice
Since
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many
pupils
 are studying in class , their teachers organize with them teamwork which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them freely express their
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
. in conclusion ,
although
 studying in
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the knowledge of
pupils
 , I believe that local
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to prodigious advantages .
Submitted by ina1_95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Make sure to have a clear structure in your essay. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence, follow with supporting details, and conclude each paragraph summarizing the main idea.
Vocabulary
Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Use synonyms to make your argument more interesting.
Grammar
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This includes checking for subject-verb agreement and correct usage of articles.
Content
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Argument
Ensure you clearly state your opinion and explain why you hold this view, especially in the conclusion. This strengthens the argumentative aspect of your essay.
Content
You presented both sides of the argument, contributing to a balanced discussion.
Structure
The overall structure of the essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, adheres to the expected format.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: