IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas ?

#demand #energy #sources #oil #gas #people #places #areas
There is a school of thought
Correct pronoun usage
that advocate
show examples
advocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
advocates
show examples
 for the exploration of
oil
 and
gas
 in remote and untouched natural habitats
due to
 the ever-increasing demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 energy sources of
oil
 and
gas
. Despite these products
serve
Wrong verb form
serving
show examples
 numerous
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of human life, they
also
 cause
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
damge
Correct your spelling
damage
, I believe that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, exploring more
gas
 and
oil
resources
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 found several
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
such
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 industrial revolution and
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
 various
fanancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 and employment issues.
Firstly
,
gas
Correct article usage
the gas
show examples
 and
oil
 industry necessitates a large amount of labour to explore the
resources
.
Thus
, it will provide a variety
opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
show examples
 to work for unemployed individuals.
Secondly
, new abundant
resources
 bring
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 value for the nations which own these
resources
 to export broadly.
In addition
,
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 of
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 are served these
resources
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
afordable
Correct your spelling
affordable
 cost.
On the other hand
, new gasoline and
oil
resources
Change the noun form
resource
show examples
 exploitation
also
 encounter various downsides.
Firstly
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
exploit
Replace the word
exploitation
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
resources
 obviously
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
such
 as deforestation and
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in the destruction of habitats and the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of biodiversity.
Moreover
, deforestation
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to the loss of habitats, threatening many plant and animal species.
In addition
,
according to
 recent reports, discovering and exploiting
resoures
Correct your spelling
resources
 exacerbate climate change problems, especially the
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 effect.
Lastly
,
gas
 and
oil
resousces
Correct your spelling
resources
 are limited
resources
 so overwhelming exploitation can threaten or even harm
Correct article usage
the ecoloy
show examples
ecoloy
Correct your spelling
ecology
 of the earth. With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. I believe that broadening the exploration of additional
gas
 and
oil
resources
 has some strengths,
however
 the drawbacks are far more detrimental.
Submitted by lethithut123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Language
Pay attention to your spelling and grammatical errors; frequently review your work to correct these issues as they can distract from your message.
Flow
Try to ensure a smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Structure
Consider revising your introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and reflective of your essay's main arguments. This will help to grab the reader's attention from the start and leave a lasting impression.
Clarity of Position
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is good for task achievement.
Task Response
You cover both sides of the argument, which shows an attempt to address the task comprehensively.
Structure
The essay structure is logical, with separate paragraphs for different ideas, aiding in overall coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: