IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

There is a school of thought that advocates for the exploration of
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
 in remote and untouched natural habitats
due to
Linking Words
 the ever-increasing demand for energy sources of
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
Use synonyms
. Despite these products serving numerous aspects of human life, they
also
Linking Words
 cause environmental damage, I believe that the advantages do not outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, exploring more
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 has found several benefits
such
Linking Words
 as an industrial revolution and tackling various financial and employment issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
 industry necessitates a large amount of labour to explore the
resources
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will provide a variety of opportunities to work for unemployed individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, new abundant
resources
Use synonyms
 bring economic value for the nations which own these
resources
Use synonyms
 to export broadly.
In addition
Linking Words
, residents of the nation's
resources
Use synonyms
 are served these
resources
Use synonyms
 at affordable cost.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, new gasoline and
oil
Use synonyms
 resource exploitation
also
Linking Words
 encounter various downsides.
Firstly
Linking Words
, humans' exploitation of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 obviously damages the environment
such
Linking Words
 as deforestation which results in the destruction of habitats and the loss of biodiversity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, deforestation contributes to the loss of habitats, threatening many plant and animal species.
In addition
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent reports, discovering and exploiting
resources
Use synonyms
 exacerbate climate change problems, especially the greenhouse effect.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 are limited
resources
Use synonyms
 so overwhelming exploitation can threaten or even harm the ecology of the earth. With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. I believe that broadening the exploration of additional
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 has some strengths,
however
Linking Words
 the drawbacks are far more detrimental.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your provided examples and link them more explicitly to your argument to enrich your essay's content and clarity.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help clarify your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance on the argument, demonstrating a good grasp of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You've displayed a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in the logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, and main points are generally supported, showing an understanding of the need for coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • unspoiled
  • hydrocarbon exploration
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystem conservation
  • indigenous rights
  • climate resilience
  • habitat destruction
  • infrastructure development
  • technological advancements
  • economic stimulus
  • social unrest
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: