IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

(VMN)Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace human in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

#vmn #robots #workplace #impact #society
Robots
 and
A.I.
Correct your spelling
AI
show examples
am
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 considered as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
 for humans at work. The writer believes that
this
 is thanks to the ability to work effortlessly for better outcomes of
robots
.
However
,
this
 replacement may adversely affect humans in terms of employment. It is acknowledged that automatic machines are able to do the work effectively 24/7. Their durable engines and synchronization as a whole system lead them to have enhanced speed of production, giving acceptable results within a short period of time.
Hence
, if they are applied to the workplace, it will improve the working quality,
as well as
 reduce the amount of money spent on a salary, which causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial difficulties.
However
, once
A.I.
Correct your spelling
AI
show examples
 with
robots
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 replaced by human beings, there will be a great strain on people finding jobs.
This
 primarily results in employment when the requirement to be employed is getting more demanding and harder,
while
 the number of workers is limited gradually, causing more competition in the workplace. A survey in English just
last
 year showed that there was nearly 80% of total companies started using artificial intelligence in customer services,
while
 automatic systems had been applied in 70% of factories, ending up putting more pressure on white-collar and blue-collar workers higher risk of being unemployed. All in all, the replacement of artificial intelligence and
robots
 is
due to
 their efficiency in giving more satisfying products than humans do, with the chance of saving a certain amount of money. Still,
this
 has an extreme effect on unemployment and those having just graduated college to get affordable occupations without much stress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Aim to diversify your sentence structures and vocabulary to showcase language flexibility.
Structure
For a more impactful essay, ensure your introduction clearly outlines the topics to be discussed, and that your conclusion succinctly summarises your main points and stance.
Development
Try to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This can also help make your essay more engaging and persuasive.
Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall readability of your essay.
Cohesion
Work on smoothly connecting your paragraphs and ideas using a variety of cohesive devices. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the essay prompt, reflecting good understanding and response to the task.
Content Development
You've shown capability in developing a discussion and backing up your points with general examples, which is commendable.
Structure
There's a logical structure to your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in understanding and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!