In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends.Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Finding work is a hotly debated topic that divides opinion. Some people think that the best way to seek a job is
moving
away from their hometown and friends.I think that, despite some drawbacks it brings, it Wrong verb form
to move
stills
does more good than harm.
On the one hand, it can not denied that, if someone Replace the word
still
leave
their home to Change the verb form
leaves
other places
to find Fix the agreement mistake
another place
job
, they might feel alone and isolated, Add an article
a job
they
may not be able to adapt to their new Correct word choice
and they
life
. This
makes them anxiety
and Replace the word
anxious
fear
, they don't want to get out of that safe shell. In their hometown, they may Replace the word
fearful
be know
certain jobs that they find suitable and can cover their own living expenses.
Change the verb form
know
However
, it still some
drawbacks, Add a missing verb
has some
such
as despite of
their living in their familiar places is not bad but Change preposition
apply
this
is a good chance for them to live independently, for example
, they have to earn money to living
, they have to widen their Wrong verb form
live
communicate
circle, they have to learn to live alone,Replace the word
communication
this
helps them a lot because of the opportunities it brings . To explain, only if you can stand on their own feet, the jobs will seek to them. Furthermore
, living in modern
city helps them earn Add an article
the modern
a modern
much
money, enough Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
paying
for their big families because they are adults so they must Change the verb form
to pay
have
responsible for Verb problem
be
parents
and springs, they cannot rely on their parents forever, they need a Correct pronoun usage
their parents
big
amount of money. So they must rush into Correct word choice
large
life
to work. In addition
, it is a good opportunity for them to enjoy the
high-quality Correct article usage
a
life
, Correct word choice
and the
the
awareness of them will be raised. When we Change the word
their
older
, they can come back Add a missing verb
are older
their
hometown to live a peaceful Change preposition
to their
life
- This
is so meaningful after a hard-working life
.
In conclusion, it still exist
some drawbacks but we dealt with above, living near Change the verb form
exists
from
relatives and friends is good but if we are still young, we should Change preposition
apply
active
and give Add a missing verb
be active
yourselfs
more chances to Correct your spelling
ourselves
able
to see the Add a missing verb
be able
wonderfull
Correct your spelling
wonderful
life
.Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on
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structure
Consider organizing your essay more clearly by using paragraphs to separate your introduction, body sections, and conclusion. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments easier to follow.
clarity
Introduce your topic more clearly in the introduction to give the reader a better understanding of what the essay will discuss. Also, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
language
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to express your ideas more compellingly. This will help make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
balance
You've presented a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue, which is crucial for a good task response.
cohesion
Your essay shows an attempt to use linking words to connect ideas, which aids the reader in understanding the flow of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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