IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

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Introduction
Many parents prefer to
encurage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to take advantage to do group activities in their free time and others say that it
is affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 how to career
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 on their own. I will
expian
Correct your spelling
explain
expand
 both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 and give
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand ,
children
Use synonyms
 in
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation easy to
motived
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
avdertise
Correct your spelling
advertise
 from social that they have more advantages for
kids
Use synonyms
 to learn and
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 lead to occupy in future .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , Many parents
had spent
Wrong verb form
have to spend
show examples
 time with their
children
Use synonyms
 when start to learn new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 that parents can expian
Capitalize word
Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 when
kids
Use synonyms
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 family should
advisted
Correct your spelling
advised
advise
 them.
Body paragraph 2
For Example
Linking Words
 , in my country Thailand , We have young
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 influent skill from
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parent
Use synonyms
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
creative
Replace the word
create
show examples
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 and higher
productivities
Fix the agreement mistake
productivity
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , Many
children
Use synonyms
 lose disadvantages
to spend
Change preposition
by spending
show examples
 time in bad activities
such
Linking Words
 as
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
,
wacthed
Correct your spelling
watching
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
,
tiktok
Correct word choice
and tiktok
show examples
 usingless
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
kids
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
noticed
Wrong verb form
notice
show examples
 them
also
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
are
show examples
 less concentrated. It will
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
 careers in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
becaues
Correct your spelling
because
 their
parent
Use synonyms
 didnot
guied
Correct your spelling
guide
 line for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
occupy
Replace the word
occupation
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
Parent
Use synonyms
 has more influent
Change preposition
on
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
kids
Use synonyms
 to
Replace the word
motivate
show examples
motived
Replace the word
motivate
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
Change preposition
into what
show examples
what
Change preposition
into what
show examples
 is
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
occupy
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
 that
kids
Use synonyms
want
Correct your spelling
won't
show examples
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 in the future . I totally support that we should have organisation activities to help our
children
Use synonyms
 and support them in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.

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Introduction
Consider revising your introduction for a clearer presentation of both views and your opinion. A well-structured introduction sets a positive tone for the rest of the essay.
Paragraph Development
Work on developing coherent paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, clearly stated at the beginning, and supported with specific examples or explanations.
Use of Examples
Try to provide clearer, more specific examples to support your points. Specific examples help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Grammar and Spelling
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Mistakes can distract readers and make your arguments harder to follow. Tools and practice can help improve this aspect.
Task Response
You've tackled both sides of the argument, which is good for addressing the task requirement.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises your opinion well, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • structured activities
  • belonging
  • enriching environment
  • self-reliant
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • overprogramming
  • spontaneity
  • unstructured time
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