IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart give information about the proportion of boys and girls of a shcool who achieved high grades( A or B+) in respective courses.

The charts show the changes in the performance of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 in different subjects in 1996 and 2000. Over 42% of
boys
Use synonyms
 achieved a high grade in Humanities in 2000, up from 21%. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 who achieved
this
Linking Words
 standard in
this
Linking Words
 subject was lower at 25% in 2000,
although
Linking Words
 it was 32% in 1996.
Boys
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 improved their performance in the Arts significantly with the figure rising from 9% to 21%,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of high-achieving
girls
Use synonyms
 dipped to 25%.
Girls
Use synonyms
 performed better than
boys
Use synonyms
 in Languages,
although
Linking Words
 the percentage of top achievers declined
from45
Correct your spelling
from 45
% to 30%. There were
also
Linking Words
 improvements in Science and Maths, in which the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
girls
Use synonyms
 who achieved a good grade rose to 11% and 15% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figures for
boys
Use synonyms
 in these two courses dropped.
Overall
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 outperformed
girls
Use synonyms
 in Science and Maths, but the gap narrowed.
While
Linking Words
 a larger
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 reached higher standards in the Arts, Humanities
as well as
Linking Words
 Languages, the figures for
girls
Use synonyms
 saw a decline.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, although, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, proportion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: