IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand from 1901 and its predicted year in 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #year #summarise #features #comparisons
The graph below shows information about changes in the
birth
 and
death
 rates from 1901and its predicted year in 2101 which has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 in New Zealand. To commence with, it is obvious that there is a dramatic increase in
birth
Fix the agreement mistake
births
show examples
 through the years and
Correct article usage
a noticable
show examples
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 from 2021 to 2101. In 1901 there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a low rate of
child
Correct your spelling
childbirth
show examples
birth
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20%
while
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 rate
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 10%.
Hence
, in 1961 rate of
birth
Fix the agreement mistake
births
show examples
become
Verb problem
increased
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 approximately 65%,
while
 in 2001
this
 number
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased to 20%,
while
 in that year the number of
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
showed
Verb problem
was
show examples
 a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 up to 10%.
Overall
, in 2041 the rates of
birth
 and
death
 will be
equale
Correct your spelling
equal
equalled
 and in 2061
birth
 will be lower,
while
 the
death
 of individuals will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
absolutely go up from 50% to 60%.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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