IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that children should be thought How to cook at school, Others argue that it is a waste of time for writing ielts.

#people #children #cook #school #waste #time #ielts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Despite the fact that a series of
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cooking can be considered as important
skills
Use synonyms
 and can help
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improve a person's character,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
 may not be very useful for children, which will be discussed. The supporter of cooking
skills
Use synonyms
 education asserts that schools should educate students on how to whip up delicious food. It is
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
 where children spend their time
after
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home and can learn to improve their abilities. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they learn how to work in a multi-person group
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
share their responsibilities
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other and provide constructive feedback.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they pick up creativity,
self-sufficient
Replace the word
self-sufficiency
show examples
 and independence more.
While
Linking Words
 opponents put forward
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
practical
skills
Use synonyms
 like cooking
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not beneficial for them. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, students not pay more attention to academic subjects at
schoo
Correct your spelling
school
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, and they may no longer the necessary attention to their main courses. In fact,
such
Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
 can
learn
Wrong verb form
be learned
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 cooking classes and online resources.
As a result
Linking Words
, there is a need for the academic environment to focus more on specialized courses that are more beneficial for them than
such
Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite the fact that learning cooking
skills
Use synonyms
 gives a hand to students in terms of developing social
skills
Use synonyms
 and well-being , it will have inevitable consequences on their education, I would argue.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Develop your main points with specific examples. Including real-life instances or more detailed scenarios could strengthen your argument and provide a clearer insight into your perspective.
language accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to ensure your ideas are communicated effectively. Minor errors can distract from the clarity of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is structured and ideas flow logically, utilizing a wider range of linking words could enhance coherence. Consider introducing contrasts, comparisons, or cause-effect relationships more explicitly.
balanced argument
You’ve effectively outlined both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view on the importance of teaching cooking skills in schools.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion neatly encapsulate your main points, demonstrating clear understanding and control over essay structure.
idea development
You've illustrated an understanding of the significance of soft skills (such as teamwork and creativity) acquired through cooking, which enriches the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: