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Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
Recently, when businesses advertise their products, they try to show it as a new good in some way. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reason for
this
 effort.
In addition
, why
I
Add a missing verb
do I
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consider it as a negative
developing
Replace the word
development
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.
Change the punctuation
?
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 It is my view that, when a business
such
a
Change preposition
as a
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company
launched
Wrong verb form
launches
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 a new product, it definitely wants to have a considerable sale and because advertising
have
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has
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 a crucial role in introducing goods, the company makes its effort to illustrate the goods as a new thing. It would be the best approach to deal with other competitor companies
as well as
 previous versions or editions of the same product.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of
people
 usually have a tendency to seek new arrivals in order to possess the latest things which
may
Verb problem
apply
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they believe are the best goods. It can happen in different aspects
such
 as technology, fashion or even home decoration. I am
also
 convinced that,
such
advertisings
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advertisements
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 have a significant drawback as they encourage
people
 to spend more and more money on the staff that they already possess, which is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obvious type of consumerism.
For instance
, every other year cutting-edge electronic gadgets like smartphones are launched,
while
 they literally have insignificant improvements
compete
Verb problem
compared
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 with the past versions even in their appearance and many
people
 consume a huge amount of money to have them. In conclusion, having
desire
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the desire
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 to sell more
leading
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leads
show examples
 companies to insist on advertising their products as they are new in some aspects. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 it is totally undesired and negative effect on societies and
people
.
Submitted by samira.nezhadamin on

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Structure
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each discussing a specific point. This helps in enhancing clarity and making your argument more persuasive.
Grammar
Consider revising for small grammatical errors and ensuring that your sentences are complete and correctly structured. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Content
Good job in presenting a clear opinion on the topic and supporting it with relevant examples.
Structure
Effective use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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