Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
One
of the issues currently being discussed is that many sportsmen are example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
for
imitation for the younger generation. From my perspective, it's hard not to admit that sport is indeed an important part of many Change preposition
of
people
's lives. However
, there is no one
opinion whether
athletes set a good Change preposition
on whether
example
or not.
On the one
hand , it is agreed that athletes have had an influence to
new generations in a good way. Change preposition
on
Firstly
, many people
agree that sports
are part of healthy
lifestyle, which leads to discipline, motivation, and inner peace. Add an article
a healthy
Furthermore
, idols of many people
will say that sport is also
a springboard to a successful life and self-realization. For
example
, the now famous footballer Kylian Mbappe,
has been setting himself an Remove the comma
apply
example
of Cristiano Ronaldo since childhood. Thanks to the good example
of the idol, he is now playing in one
of the best clubs in the world,
and played on the same field with legendary football players. Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, this
leads to the fact that following your sports
idols is not so bad.
On the other hand
, I believe as
there Correct word choice
apply
many
numbers of good examples just as many bad examples. In fact, Add a missing verb
are many
sports
take a lot of time, working on your body and improving your health is a long process and takes a lot of time. Furthermore
, Constant stress and loss of strength leads
to the disappearance of interest in Change the verb form
lead
sports
, psychological
burnout. Some Correct word choice
and psychological
people
think that sports
are traumatic, professional boxers, football players and others periodically get injuries of varying severity. And this
is not only at competitions: during training, morning jogging, and so on. For
example
, Exactly eight years ago, the talented Puerto Rican Pritchard Colon had a scandalous duel against the American Terrell Williams, after which he fell into a coma and has remained bedridden since that moment. Consequently
, many parents, drawing from this
example
, are reluctant to enroll
their children in Change the spelling
enrol
sports
activities.
In conclusion, considering all that has been discussed, I cannot agree that athletes in our time have a negative impact on our generation. Young people
derive significant motivation from them. It is crucial to remember not to become obsessed and fanatical, and to bear in mind that the primary goal of sports
is to maintain a healthy body and mind.Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Consider varying your sentence structure to add complexity and interest to your writing. While your essay is well-structured, more sophisticated sentences could further enhance your work.
task achievement
Make sure to explicitly state your own opinion in the conclusion. While it is somewhat clear, being more direct could strengthen the impact of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and make your argumentation stronger.
task achievement
You have done well in discussing both views on whether professional athletes make good role models, providing a balanced analysis.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively use examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument and engages the reader.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.