Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that professional sports figures make great examples for adolescents,
while
Linking Words
others claim they do not.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both these parts of
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
and provide a balanced conclusion based on the arguments. On the one hand, juniors can gain strong discipline and special care for their bodies from professional athletes. In the sports world, it is often noticeable that those who are at the top of the pyramid never skip workout days. It means that their strong desire forms an everyday habit to be better, which inspires their fans to do the same.
Moreover
Linking Words
, keeping their bodies in good shape and constantly
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
treatments is a
must have
Use the right word
must-have
show examples
thing that every sportsman. Seeing someone with great physical condition usually motivates others, especially the young generation
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
reach those body goals and treat their bodies cautiously.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
tend to copy the routines of their role models and try to add more protein or vegetables to be healthy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the negative opinions of some
people
Use synonyms
can be explained by
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
involvement in scandals and materialism. Some of them engage in inappropriate or even illegal
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many footballers are known for numerous doping cases or violent incidents.
Also
Linking Words
, the majority of them showcase wealth, luxury brands and a royal lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
can lead young
people
Use synonyms
to value fame and money over education and character. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
are divided into two sides of thinking about athletes as
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
example.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that sorting through and taking the best from the mindsets and values of sportsmen and ignoring the bad ones can be a smart move for future growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is clear, but try to make your main points more direct. Clearly state what your opinion is in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas, like 'however' or 'furthermore'. This helps readers follow your argument better.
task achievement
Add specific examples or evidence to support your points more strongly. Readers appreciate stories or facts that illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of different opinions about athletes as role models. This shows that you can see both sides of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing style is clear, and your ideas are easy to understand. This is important for good communication.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exemplify
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • humble beginnings
  • motivate
  • inspire
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • negative behavior
  • drug abuse
  • unlawful activities
  • sensationalizes
  • unrealistic
  • unattainable standards
  • material success
  • skewed value system
  • high visibility
  • magnifies
  • faults
  • misleading
What to do next:
Look at other essays: