Some people think that video games are advantages while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. I would argue that video game my give the negative effect

#people #video #games #game #effect

IN RECENT YEARS,

TECHNOGOLGY

Correct your spelling

TECHNOLOGY

HAS BEEN BECOMING MORE POPULAR AMONG

INDIVIDIALS

Correct your spelling

INDIVIDUALS

. FOR SOME REASON,

VIDEO

GAMES

BECOME PART OF OUR LIVES AND PEOPLE ARGUE ABOUT THE HARM OF

VIDEO

GAMES

. IN MY

OPINION

Add a comma

OPINION,

show examples

THE NEGATIVE

EFFECT

Fix the agreement mistake

EFFECTS

show examples

CAN OUTWEIGH THE POSITIVE ONES.

HOWEVER

THIS

ESSAY WILL DISCUSS BOTH SIDES OF

VIDEO

GAMES

AND TRY TO DRAW A CONCLUSION. FIRST OF ALL,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

HIGH TECHNOLOGY AND TECHNIQUES OF

VIDEO

GAMES

ARE INCREASING DRAMATICALLY.

VIDEO

GAMES

Fix the agreement mistake

GAME

show examples

CREATORS CAN CREATE

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

AMAZING

GAMES

THAT

PUBLIC

Correct article usage

THE PUBLIC

show examples

TEND TO

Add a missing verb

BE ADDICT

show examples

ADDICT

Replace the word

ADDICTED

show examples

Change preposition

TO.

show examples

SPEACIALLY

Correct your spelling

SPECIALLY

, OVER HALF OF THE USER IS

CHILDREN

DUE TO

VIDEO

GAMES

Fix the agreement mistake

GAME

show examples

ADDICTION,

CHILDREN

CAN NOT CONTROL THEIR FEELINGS OR SPEND THEIR

FREETIME

Correct your spelling

FREE TIME

PRODUCTIVE. THEY ARE SITTING BEHIND THEIR TABLE FOR A LOT OF TIME JUST PLAYING

GAMES

. WHEN

CHILDREN

ARE TOO ADDICTED

VIDEO

GAMES

PARENTS

DO NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP THEM.

IN ADDITION

THIS

, MOST IMPORTANTLY,

PARENTS

SHOULD KNOW THAT THEIR

CHILDREN

PLAYING.

FUTHERMORE

Correct your spelling

FURTHERMORE

THEY CAN PREVENT RISKS OR ANY BAD HABITS. ON THE INTERNET THERE ARE HUGE EFFECTIVENESS OF

VIDEO

GAMES

. THERE ARE VARIOUS TYPES OF

GAMES

. MOST LIKELY, YOUNG

CHILDREN

LIKE TO PLAY KILLING

GAMES

BECAUSE GETTING A SATISFACTION THEY NEVER HAD IN THEIR REAL LIFE. AS THE DAMAGE OF KILLING

GAMES

, ADDICTED

CHILDREN

LIKE TO PLAY

REAL

Change preposition

WITH REAL

show examples

KNIVES OR GUNS

THEREFORE

THERE IS

HIGH

Correct article usage

A HIGH

show examples

CHANCE OF COMMITTING A CRIME ACCIDENTALLY. TURNING TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARGMENT, E-SPORT IS ONE OF THE SPORTS THAT

PARENTS

HAVE TO ALLOW. ALL AROUND THE

WORLD

Add a comma

WORLD,

show examples

THERE ARE TONS OF

CHILDREN

WHO ARE GETTING MONEY FOR PLAYING

VIDEO

GAMES

. ONE OF THEM HAS BECOME A

BILLIONARE

Correct your spelling

BILLIONAIRE

. THEY ARE PLAYING

VIDEO

GAMES

AND

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

STREAMING

Correct pronoun usage

THEM

show examples

THROUGH

THE

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

YOUTUBE, AND GETTING DONATIONS FOR THEIR FANS. SO THAT, IT IS A ONE WAY OF MAKING MONEY EASILY. ANOTHER ADVANTAGE OF PLAYING

VIDEO

GAMES

IS NETWORKING WITH FOREIGN PEOPLE.

THUS

, WHEN THEY ARE PLAYING THEY CAN

ALSO

LEARN NEW LANGUAGES OR NEW SKILLS AT THE SAME TIME. IN CONCLUSION,

VIDEO

GAMES

ARE REALLY FUN TO RELIEVE STRESS AND DEPRESSION, BUT IF

PUBLIC

Correct article usage

THE PUBLIC

show examples

GET ADDICTED

Correct your spelling

TOO

show examples

MUCH

AS WELL AS

THEY CAN GET STRESSED AND DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THEIR SURRENDER. IN MYB VIEW OF

THIS

POINT,

CHILDREN

AND

PARENTS

HAVE TO KNOW THEIR LIMITS OF PLAYING

VIDEO

GAMES

UNLESS THEY WILL GET IN BIG TROUBLE. ALL

CHILDREN

ARE

IMPOSIBBLE

Correct your spelling

IMPOSSIBLE

TO BECOME

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

BILLIONARE

Correct your spelling

BILLIONAIRES

OR FIND A COST OF LIVING JUST

PLAYING

Change preposition

BY PLAYING

show examples

VIDEO

GAMES

Submitted by buyabuya201 on Wed Apr 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

Try to provide a clear structure to your essay by ensuring that each paragraph presents a single idea or argument. This will make your essay more coherent and easy to follow.

grammar

Be mindful of spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. For instance, words should not be in all caps unless they are acronyms.

cohesion

Using transitional phrases like 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' can improve the flow of your essay and help bridge ideas between paragraphs.

vocabulary

Try to diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition of words and phrases. This can make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a wider range of language skills.

example

Support your arguments with specific examples. While mentioning the potential for video game players to earn money was good, more varied examples could strengthen your position.

balanced argument

Provided a balanced view by discussing both the positives and negatives of video games.

conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.

unique point

Mentioning the possibility of learning new languages and skills through gaming introduces a unique advantage of video games.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

394 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some countries spend a lot of money to make bicycle usage easier why is that is this the best solution to traffic congestion
Bicycle is a best way for traveling . But, nowadays few nation spend huge amount of money to improve its degin and quality also it is a best way to reduce traffic. This easy will explore the reason of this statement in upcoming paragraph with brief conclusion
5
band
Some people are making new friends by socializing network websites and internet chat rooms. Some people say that this is a good thing. Other people opine that people should make new friends by face to face chat. Discuss both views and given your own opinion.
It turned out a trend making new friends in social media and keeping in touch with them with the use of websites. Some people think that it is good way for socializing, however, others believe that people have to meet with their friends, do outdoor activities and have face to face conversations. In my opinion, best way is socializing in actual life but having online friends also good if you know how to balance your time while surfing on internet.
<4
band
The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the widespread use of cell phones (mobile phones)? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons. And the reason is I don't know.
7.5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Living abroad has been popularized during the last decades. It is mainly explained by the necessity of searching for better opportunities around the world in order to improve our professional profiles as well as visit breathtaking places. Despite having some drawbacks related to this, the advantages outweigh the demerits. In this essay, I will explain my reasons in detail.
8
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Opinions vary on the benefits of driverless vehicles. Despite the fact that there are drawbacks to autonomous driving, I believe that it brings much more benefits.

Some people think that video games are advantages while others believe video games are harmful to the people who play them. I would argue that video game my give the negative effect

Fully explain your ideas

Some countries spend a lot of money to make bicycle usage easier why is that is this the best solution to traffic congestion

Some people are making new friends by socializing network websites and internet chat rooms. Some people say that this is a good thing. Other people opine that people should make new friends by face to face chat. Discuss both views and given your own opinion.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?