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Band 5

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

#nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens
People have different views about
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
 share from
richest
Correct article usage
the richest
show examples
 people to
Correct article usage
the poorer
show examples
poorer
Correct word choice
poorest
show examples
 society.
While
 there are some benefits high-income
families
for
Add a missing verb
have for
show examples
 helping
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 and middle-income class
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for food and education, I believe the governments should have
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 to provide basic needs for society themselves. A wealthy family is able to help poorer
citizens
 by providing their money for essential
service
Change the noun form
services
show examples
such
 as education and food.
For
example
, they are able to
giving
Change the verb
give
show examples
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 poorer
families
 through their foundation. Another
things
Replace the adjective
thing
show examples
richest
Correct article usage
the richest
show examples
families
 can do is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
provide basic food for low-income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
such
 as milk, rice, eggs etc
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 provide several vitamins for their health. The
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
 family can allocate
for
example
 3-5%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their profit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 poorer
families
. Despite the ability to share weatiness’s
families
 for poorer, I do believe it was not a mandatory
things
Correct the article-noun agreement
thing
show examples
. It would be wise
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if helping poorer
citizens
 is a choice not a
mandatory
Correct pronoun usage
mandatory one
show examples
.
However
, the one who
responsible
Add a missing verb
is responsible
show examples
to ensure
Change preposition
for ensuring
show examples
basic
Add an article
the basic
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 poorer
citizens
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
 body. The
government
 has
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 to regulate
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 that can support poorer
citizens
 to access basic needs. The
government
also
 has
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to manage
nations
Replace the word
national
show examples
 taxes, which
was affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
families
.
For
example
, the
government
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to increase
richest
Correct article usage
the richest
show examples
families
Change noun form
families'
family's
show examples
 taxes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and allocate
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 meet
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 life of society
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their nations. The
government
 can
held
Change the form of the verb
hold
show examples
 a program that pro with poorer
citizens
 by giving,
for
example
, free tuition fees for all poorer
families
 in all
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 of education and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 social assistance programs that increase
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 life. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, helping poorer
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 is a choice for
richest
Correct article usage
the richest
show examples
 family - not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mandatory.
However
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, with all authorities that they have,
responsible
Add a missing verb
is responsible
show examples
 or required to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 all basic needs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 poorer
citizens
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Consider further developing your argument with a wider range of examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your essay.
coherence & cohesion
Keep working on your grammar and punctuation to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence & cohesion
To make your essay more compelling, try to add more linking phrases that naturally connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You've done well to clearly present and defend your viewpoint, making for a compelling read.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay structure effectively guides the reader through your argument, contributing to a coherent and cohesive piece.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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