There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students
nowadays are under increasing pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a good university or secure a Use synonyms
well paid
job. Add a hyphen
well-paid
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
some people argue that schools need to focus on academic Add a comma
reason,
subjects
and Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
should Use synonyms
therefore
not be taught. I would argue that Linking Words
while
academic Linking Words
skills
are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more Use synonyms
skills
-based Use synonyms
subjects
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, not only should Linking Words
school
be about teaching academic Use synonyms
skills
but Use synonyms
also
a wider range of life Linking Words
skills
so that Use synonyms
students
can take an active part in society upon leaving Use synonyms
school
. Practical Use synonyms
subjects
can help to teach these Use synonyms
skills
to Use synonyms
students
. Use synonyms
For example
, physical education teaches Linking Words
students
both how to work as part of a team and Use synonyms
also
the importance of being healthy. Linking Words
Furthermore
, if cookery is taught Linking Words
then
Linking Words
students
will learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, academic Linking Words
subjects
are not equally important for all Use synonyms
students
. There is the possibility of including more vocational Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing Use synonyms
skills
. By studying these Use synonyms
subjects
, Use synonyms
students
will increase their employment prospects and be better placed to secure employment when leaving Use synonyms
school
. It is important to remember that not all Use synonyms
students
will continue to higher education and Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
needs
to enable these Correct subject-verb agreement
need
students
to find work.
Use synonyms
Finally
, too much pressure should not be placed on Linking Words
students
. Taking part in Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives Use synonyms
students
the opportunity to be creative. Use synonyms
This
could help them to manage stress levels and be more productive in other areas.
In Linking Words
conclusion
I would argue that Add a comma
conclusion,
although
academic Linking Words
subjects
are very important, Use synonyms
this
should not be the sole focus of a Linking Words
school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-organized, aim to incorporate more specific examples in each paragraph to strengthen your arguments. For example, discussing specific programs or studies related to physical education or vocational training would add more weight to your claims.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly repetitive in their structure and content. Try varying your sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, with well-organized and logically connected paragraphs. Each paragraph supports the central thesis effectively, showing good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The arguments are clearly presented and relevant examples are used to support the main points. Multiple perspectives are considered, giving the essay depth and balance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.