There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students
nowadays are under increasing pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a good university or secure a well paid
job. Add a hyphen
well-paid
For
this
reason
some people argue that schools need to focus on academic Add a comma
reason,
subjects
and non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
should therefore
not be taught. I would argue that while
academic skills
are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills
-based subjects
.
Firstly
, not only should school
be about teaching academic skills
but also
a wider range of life skills
so that students
can take an active part in society upon leaving school
. Practical subjects
can help to teach these skills
to students
. For example
, physical education teaches students
both how to work as part of a team and also
the importance of being healthy. Furthermore
, if cookery is taught then
students
will learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Secondly
, academic subjects
are not equally important for all students
. There is the possibility of including more vocational non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing skills
. By studying these subjects
, students
will increase their employment prospects and be better placed to secure employment when leaving school
. It is important to remember that not all students
will continue to higher education and school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
needs
to enable these Correct subject-verb agreement
need
students
to find work.
Finally
, too much pressure should not be placed on students
. Taking part in non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives students
the opportunity to be creative. This
could help them to manage stress levels and be more productive in other areas.
In conclusion
I would argue that Add a comma
conclusion,
although
academic subjects
are very important, this
should not be the sole focus of a school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching students
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
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task achievement
While the essay is generally well-organized, aim to incorporate more specific examples in each paragraph to strengthen your arguments. For example, discussing specific programs or studies related to physical education or vocational training would add more weight to your claims.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are slightly repetitive in their structure and content. Try varying your sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, with well-organized and logically connected paragraphs. Each paragraph supports the central thesis effectively, showing good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The arguments are clearly presented and relevant examples are used to support the main points. Multiple perspectives are considered, giving the essay depth and balance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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