There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

this

day and age, the topic of removing non-academic

subjects

is a

discussing

Replace the word

discussion

show examples

Point. It is the opinion of the writer that

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

had better Study both traditional and non-academic

subjects

on the grounds of avoiding the pressure and ensuring physical

health

. It is essential to understand that studying non-academic

subjects

is another way to get out of the pressure of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional

subjects

This

due to

the fact that Academic

subjects

namely Math, Chemistry and

Physic

Fix the agreement mistake

physics

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

highly demand critical and logical thinking which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

a burden for your brain.

Besides

, these

subjects

also

require a certain savvy and discretion in doing homework.

As a result

, these Academic

subjects

will become an obstacle in the study momentum

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

for students who are not good at brainstorming leading to stress and boredom when studying these

subjects

for a long-term goal. Take

Findland

Correct your spelling

Finland

as a relevant example where the government concentrates on vocational

subjects

rather than Academic

subjects

in order to improve cognitive and practical skills. Another Factor is the enhancement of physical

Health

when studying non-academic

subjects

. An explanation for

this

can be found in the form of physical Education provides a certain amount of time to take part in outside activities, burn calories

along

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

promote

absortion

Correct your spelling

absorption

abortion

and metabolization in your body resulting in a robust body.

However

, learning academic

subjects

force

Correct subject-verb agreement

forces

show examples

students to sit on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

chair

Fix the agreement mistake

chairs

show examples

constantly

prompting

Verb problem

leading

show examples

to a sedentary lifestyle and gradually

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

couch

potato

Fix the agreement mistake

potatoes

show examples

As a consequence

, sitting for a long time can

render

Verb problem

cause

show examples

illnesses

such

as obesity and anus-related illnesses.

Therefore

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should consider whether non-academic

subjects

should be banned or not

due to

the physical

Health

Fix capitalization

health

show examples

of students. Taking all

Point

Fix the agreement mistake

Points

show examples

into account,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

health

and pressure are two main elements that epitomize not removing vocational

subjects

Thus

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should not ban these non-academic

subjects

Submitted by 11E4 Community on Wed Apr 03 2024

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task achievement

Focus on clarifying and developing your main ideas more deeply. Your essay presents valid points, but deeper analysis and explanation could strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Work on the accuracy of your language, including grammar and vocabulary, to make your points clearer and more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay's structure is more logically organized. Each paragraph should clearly follow from the one before, and ideas should be linked more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Include a clearer introduction and conclusion that succinctly states your position and summarizes the main points of your discussion.

task achievement

You effectively use examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, contributing to the clarity of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negetive effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people today believe that the world increases in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society

University education should be free for all students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.