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Band 4.5

tourism has increased so much over the last 50 years that it is having a mainly negative impact on local inhabitants and the environment. However, other claim that it is good for the economy. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and give your opinion.

#tourism #years #impact #inhabitants #environment #economy
Tourism
 has strongly improved
last
 the
half century
Add a hyphen
half-century
show examples
. Beyond doubt, there have been many discussions revolving around the issue of whether the
development
 of
tourism
 should be beneficial for the economy by some
people
 or others think
this
development
 is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 local
people
. In the next paragraphs, I will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of
tourism
development
 in their detail.
To begin
 with, one of the main advantages of
tourism
 is that the economic thriving can
be provide
Change the verb form
be provided
show examples
 with
this
. The
development
 of
tourism
 leads to open many workplaces
such
 as
tourism
 offices, hotels,
destinations
Correct word choice
and destinations
show examples
, which
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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thousands of vacations. All of them can be the level of well-being. Namely, economic
development
 will affect in turn the improving education and medical sectors. What`s more,
tourism
 is the most significant factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
recognition
Correct article usage
the recognition
show examples
 of countries.
That is
, some countries aim that their customs and languages are learned by foreign citizens. That`s why these can be caused
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
political power.
Therefore
, the more
people
, the better for them.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, there are some drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
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 the
development
 of
tourism
.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 many forests and places
destroy
Wrong verb form
are destroyed
show examples
 for the building of
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 and
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 destinations.
Consequently
, all these result in many problems
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change.
For
this
 reason, many climate changers criticized
this
 issue in the UN for years.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of another
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 drawback is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 difficulties local residents face.
That is
, the
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
show examples
 policies are implemented in
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
development
 which is not suit for local
people
.
For
this
 reason, they
complaint
Replace the word
complain
show examples
this
Change preposition
about this
show examples
 situation and
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 these policies.
To sum up
, the benefits of
tourism
development
 are more related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
development
 which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 well-being, and opportunities for countries to spread their culture.
In contrast
, the drawbacks of
tourism
development
 involve some problems
such
 as destroying natural places and the high costs for local
people
.
Submitted by sabinanezar93 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear structure by having distinct paragraphs for introduction, body (advantages and disadvantages), and conclusion. You've done this well but further clarity can be achieved by more explicit transitions and summaries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples or evidence for stronger support. While you mentioned several impacts of tourism, including examples or data would make your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a more formal and consistent tone throughout your essay. Avoid using contractions (That's, What's) and informal phrases to maintain academic formality.
Task Achievement
Clarify your personal position more explicitly in your conclusion. While you summarized the advantages and disadvantages well, explicitly stating your own view in relation to these will strengthen the task achievement.
Task Achievement
You have effectively outlined the broad advantages and disadvantages of tourism, addressing the economic and environmental perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, provides a good foundation for presenting your argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • local inhabitants
  • economy
  • boosts
  • cultural exchange
  • preservation
  • restoration
  • environmental degradation
  • overcrowding
  • strain
  • infrastructure
  • cultural dilution
  • commercialized
  • economic dependence
  • sustainable tourism
  • mitigate
  • adverse effects
  • regulation
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