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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

tourism has increased so much over the last 50 years that it is having a mainly negative impact on local inhabitants and the environment. However, other claim that it is good for the economy. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and give your opinion.

#tourism #years #impact #inhabitants #environment #economy
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Tourism
Use synonyms
 has strongly improved
last
Linking Words
 the
half century
Add a hyphen
half-century
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. Beyond doubt, there have been many discussions revolving around the issue of whether the
development
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 of
tourism
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 should be beneficial for the economy by some
people
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 or others think
this
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development
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 is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 local
people
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. In the next paragraphs, I will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of
tourism
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development
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 in their detail.
To begin
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 with, one of the main advantages of
tourism
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 is that the economic thriving can
be provide
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be provided
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 with
this
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. The
development
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 of
tourism
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 leads to open many workplaces
such
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 as
tourism
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 offices, hotels,
destinations
Correct word choice
and destinations
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, which
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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thousands of vacations. All of them can be the level of well-being. Namely, economic
development
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 will affect in turn the improving education and medical sectors. What`s more,
tourism
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 is the most significant factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
recognition
Correct article usage
the recognition
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 of countries.
That is
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, some countries aim that their customs and languages are learned by foreign citizens. That`s why these can be caused
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtaining
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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political power.
Therefore
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, the more
people
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, the better for them.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, there are some drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
development
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 of
tourism
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.
It is clear that
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 many forests and places
destroy
Wrong verb form
are destroyed
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 for the building of
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 and
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tourism
Replace the word
tourist
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 destinations.
Consequently
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, all these result in many problems
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change.
For
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this
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 reason, many climate changers criticized
this
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 issue in the UN for years.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of another
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 drawback is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 difficulties local residents face.
That is
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, the
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
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 policies are implemented in
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
development
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 which is not suit for local
people
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.
For
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this
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 reason, they
complaint
Replace the word
complain
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
about this
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 situation and
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 these policies.
To sum up
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, the benefits of
tourism
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development
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 are more related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
development
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 which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 well-being, and opportunities for countries to spread their culture.
In contrast
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, the drawbacks of
tourism
Use synonyms
development
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 involve some problems
such
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 as destroying natural places and the high costs for local
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sabinanezar93 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear structure by having distinct paragraphs for introduction, body (advantages and disadvantages), and conclusion. You've done this well but further clarity can be achieved by more explicit transitions and summaries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples or evidence for stronger support. While you mentioned several impacts of tourism, including examples or data would make your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a more formal and consistent tone throughout your essay. Avoid using contractions (That's, What's) and informal phrases to maintain academic formality.
Task Achievement
Clarify your personal position more explicitly in your conclusion. While you summarized the advantages and disadvantages well, explicitly stating your own view in relation to these will strengthen the task achievement.
Task Achievement
You have effectively outlined the broad advantages and disadvantages of tourism, addressing the economic and environmental perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, provides a good foundation for presenting your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • local inhabitants
  • economy
  • boosts
  • cultural exchange
  • preservation
  • restoration
  • environmental degradation
  • overcrowding
  • strain
  • infrastructure
  • cultural dilution
  • commercialized
  • economic dependence
  • sustainable tourism
  • mitigate
  • adverse effects
  • regulation
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