IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue for many conutries. Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of developing this industry.

#tourism #source #revenue #conutries #industry
In
this
 contemporary world,
tourism
 is one of the major sources of financing in many
countries
, continuously building up their economies. It is my contention that whilst
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector is responsible for the development of
countries
, it comes
along with
 drawbacks
such
 as pollution, high migration and steep price increases in local markets, making
affordable
Correct pronoun usage
it affordable
show examples
leaving
Correct word choice
and leaving
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unviable option for the ingenious people. As a salient benefit, undoubtedly,
tourisim
Correct your spelling
the tourism
 sector plays a crucial role in the
economies'
Correct your spelling
economies
show examples
 of many
countries
 like Turkey, France and
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
.
Surge
Add an article
The surge
A surge
show examples
 in tourist numbers creates additional monetary value at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 destinations.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
 alone accounts for 20% of Turkey's entire economy, allowing them to divert these resources to the advancement of other sectors that fell behind. In order to increase the number of visitors,
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
countries
 rigorously invest to develop their existing infrastructure
as well as
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 the
leaving
Correct your spelling
living
show examples
 conditions of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 employees.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 promotes cultural exchange, allowing both visitors and hosts to learn about and appreciate different customs, traditions and ways of life. Resultantly,
this
 mutual comprehension can foster global connections and goodwill. Despite these benefits aforementioned above,
tourism
 can
also
 have adverse
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
. First of all, as a direct result of
tourism
, each year many forests, parks and the entire flora and fauna are being destroyed by the increasing number of tourists.
Moreover
,
due to
 the increased demand in the peak seasons,
countries
 can be overwhelmed, falling short
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 accommodating tourists. Bearing in mind the influence of
Correct article usage
the seasanality
show examples
seasanality
Correct your spelling
seasonality
 factor on the local markets, especially real-estate prices have
been surged
Change to the active voice
surged
show examples
 drastically, compelling natives to cope with these difficulties.
while
tourism
 offers a potential avenue for economic growth and cultural interaction, the scope of its drawbacks is expanding to a critical point, leading to
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 increase in local markets and environmental pollution.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction/Conclusion Presence
Ensure your introduction clearly addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism to provide a more balanced overview from the beginning.
Spelling/Accuracy
Be mindful of minor inaccuracies and typos (e.g., 'tourisim', 'leaving conditions' should be 'tourism', 'living conditions') as they can slightly distract from the clarity of your message.
Balanced Argumentation
Try to evenly discuss both sides of the argument. While the essay provides strong examples of tourism's benefits and its drawbacks, ensuring an equal treatment can enhance your argument's balance.
Conclusion Development
Incorporating a conclusion that summarizes the key points made throughout the essay and explicitly states your position can reinforce your argument and provide closure to the reader.
Content Understanding
Your essay successfully outlines the major benefits and drawbacks of tourism, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples (e.g., Turkey's economy) effectively supports your points, making your arguments more convincing.
Coherence
You have a good ability to maintain logical structure and coherence throughout the essay, making your argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Revenue generation
  • Job creation
  • Economic stimulus
  • Cultural heritage
  • Heritage conservation
  • Infrastructure upgrades
  • Environmental degradation
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Commodification
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Economic volatility
  • Global market fluctuations
  • Transport advancements
  • Hospitality industry
  • Public service improvement
  • Ecological footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: