Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a school of thought that the perfect route to minimize the time spent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
to work is to replace the
parks
and
gradens
Correct your spelling
gardens
close to the
city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
with apartment buildings for commuters
whereas
others do not advocate for
this
idea. From my perspective, I prefer to keep the existence of the
parks
and
garderns
Correct your spelling
gardens
in the heart of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Also
,
this
essay will shed light on both views and provide my viewpoint. On the one hand, some
people
argue that replacing the
parks
and
gardern
Correct your spelling
garden
gardens
close to the
city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
by
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with
show examples
apartment buildings to get more waste
spaces
. If the park and garden
spaces
covert
Correct your spelling
convert
show examples
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
apartment buildings that will emerge a variety
benefits
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of benefits
show examples
for
people
working in the
center
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centre
show examples
of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Firtstly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, the number of housing will increase as additional
spaces
so employees or official workers have more
optins
Correct your spelling
options
to live near the company. Following that, because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
short distance between
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
and
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
, the transport time will be shorter than the present.
On the other hand
, others have a converse opinion that green
spaces
must be kept in the heart of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Fisrtly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, originally the rate of pollution in the
city
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
usually at the alarm level
that is
the reason why the
parks
and gardens exist in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. They play a vital role as a lung of
city
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the city
show examples
to provide more oxygen and mitigate
the polluted
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
issues.
Moreover
, the
parks
and gardens in the
city
become paramount to provide
a
Change the article
an
show examples
entertainment area to avoid technological devices or educate children about plants and creatures.
In addition
, they are
also
a healing place for
people
under pressure from work, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
are
Wrong verb form
be
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refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
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and energized. With all of the
aforemention
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. From my standpoint, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that replacing the
parks
and gardens
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
housing and
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
can
emerge
Verb problem
bring
show examples
several advantages for commuters;
however
, the green
spaces
in the heart of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
are far more imperative for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
and
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
health.
Submitted by lethithut123 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure spelling consistency within the essay. For instance, decide on either 'gardens' or 'gradens' and stick to it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and try to use synonyms or rephrase sentences to improve variety in your language.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more detailed, concrete examples to support your points. Theoretical arguments are strong, but real-life instances make your essay even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the clear separation of paragraphs and ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear single main idea which is expanded upon with examples and explanations.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors that can detract from the overall clarity of your message. Regular review and practice can help improve your grammar over time.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your viewpoint, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You have successfully covered both sides of the argument with a balanced perspective before providing your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is well-organized with a logical flow that is easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
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