IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in traveling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is a school of thought that the perfect route to minimize the time spent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work is to replace the
parks
Use synonyms
 and
gradens
Correct your spelling
gardens
 close to the
city
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 with apartment buildings for commuters
whereas
Linking Words
 others do not advocate for
this
Linking Words
 idea. From my perspective, I prefer to keep the existence of the
parks
Use synonyms
 and
garderns
Correct your spelling
gardens
 in the heart of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Also
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both views and provide my viewpoint. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that replacing the
parks
Use synonyms
 and
gardern
Correct your spelling
garden
gardens
 close to the
city
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 apartment buildings to get more waste
spaces
Use synonyms
. If the park and garden
spaces
Use synonyms
covert
Correct your spelling
convert
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in to
Join the words
into
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 apartment buildings that will emerge a variety
benefits
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of benefits
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 working in the
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Firtstly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, the number of housing will increase as additional
spaces
Use synonyms
 so employees or official workers have more
optins
Correct your spelling
options
 to live near the company. Following that, because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 short distance between
house
Correct article usage
the house
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 and
company
Correct article usage
the company
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, the transport time will be shorter than the present.
On the other hand
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, others have a converse opinion that green
spaces
Use synonyms
 must be kept in the heart of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Fisrtly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, originally the rate of pollution in the
city
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 usually at the alarm level
that is
Linking Words
 the reason why the
parks
Use synonyms
 and gardens exist in the
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. They play a vital role as a lung of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 to provide more oxygen and mitigate
the polluted
Replace the word
pollution
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 issues.
Moreover
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, the
parks
Use synonyms
 and gardens in the
city
Use synonyms
 become paramount to provide
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entertainment area to avoid technological devices or educate children about plants and creatures.
In addition
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, they are
also
Linking Words
 a healing place for
people
Use synonyms
 under pressure from work, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
be
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refresh
Wrong verb form
refreshed
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 and energized. With all of the
aforemention
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 theses and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. From my standpoint, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that replacing the
parks
Use synonyms
 and gardens
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 housing and
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 can
emerge
Verb problem
bring
show examples
 several advantages for commuters;
however
Linking Words
, the green
spaces
Use synonyms
 in the heart of
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 are far more imperative for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure spelling consistency within the essay. For instance, decide on either 'gardens' or 'gradens' and stick to it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and try to use synonyms or rephrase sentences to improve variety in your language.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more detailed, concrete examples to support your points. Theoretical arguments are strong, but real-life instances make your essay even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the clear separation of paragraphs and ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear single main idea which is expanded upon with examples and explanations.
task achievement
Watch out for minor grammatical errors that can detract from the overall clarity of your message. Regular review and practice can help improve your grammar over time.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your viewpoint, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You have successfully covered both sides of the argument with a balanced perspective before providing your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is well-organized with a logical flow that is easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
What to do next:
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