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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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A glance at the bar chart provides the proportion of academic
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
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 different genders across the departments of a major college in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of the faculties of the university had more male
staff
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members
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, whilst departments of art, education and medicine had more female ones.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the bar chart, there was a significant gap between female and male
personals
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personnel
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 in the faculty of engineering which the gap was 69%
by
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apply
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18%
of
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apply
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and 85%
of
Change preposition
for
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 male
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there were 72% of the
staff
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members
Use synonyms
 in the
department
Capitalize word
Department
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 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
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 were female and only 25% of them were men. There was a relatively balanced distribution of
staff
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members
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 in the faculty of medicine which was 50% in women and 49% in men. What should be
partcularly
Correct your spelling
particularly
 mentioned is that the gender proportions of the
department
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Department
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 of
business
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Business
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 and
science
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Science
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 were almost the same
while
Linking Words
 that of business had 35%
in
Change preposition
apply
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female and 62%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male and 38% of
staff
Use synonyms
members
Use synonyms
 were female and 62% of them were male.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, members with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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