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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. USA,France, malaysia, Brazil and Egypt

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. USA,France, malaysia, Brazil and Egypt
#information #tourist #arrivals #five #countries #usa #france #malaysia #brazil #egypt
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The
diagarm
Correct your spelling
diagram
diagrams
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the number of global
traveler
Change to a plural noun
travelers
show examples
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
 to
those country
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
show examples
 including
USA
Use synonyms
,
France
Use synonyms
, Malaysia, Brazil,
Egypt
Correct word choice
and Egypt
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 experienced
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 trend over a period of 15 years.
According to
Linking Words
line
Correct article usage
the line
show examples
 charts, it can be seen that
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 was the most popular place in 1995.
However
Linking Words
, the tourist travel to
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 only showed
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase after 2000
while
Linking Words
 people took a trip to
France
Use synonyms
 were getting more and more higher. it is noticeable that
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only approximately 30% of
holidaymaker
Fix the agreement mistake
holidaymakers
show examples
 went to
France
Use synonyms
 in 1995,
this
Linking Words
 figure experienced
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 rise 5 years later. it showed gradual
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 after 2000 and
then
Linking Words
 it reached its peak at 90 million in 2010 which was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. Based on the data provided,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 three countries, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 no significant increase from 1995 to 2010
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
France
Use synonyms
 still are popular
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who want to visit.
Submitted by tiger801211574 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • International tourist arrivals
  • Trends
  • Highlighting
  • Analysing
  • Potential factors
  • Growth patterns
  • Declines
  • Driving those changes
  • Influenced
  • External factors
  • Global economic conditions
  • Health crises
  • Government policies
  • Visa regulations
  • Tourism promotion efforts
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