In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In several countries, teenagers are now gaining more weight, which has a negative impact on their health. A group of individuals say that the government needs to address

this

Linking Words

issue for some reasons.

Although

Linking Words

some individuals agree with

this

Linking Words

matter

due to

Linking Words

several reasons, I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement.

Firstly

Linking Words

, parents should be in charge of their children's obesity and their unhealthy.

This

Linking Words

is because mothers always prepare daily meals for kids or buy materials for families’ meals.

For instance

Linking Words

, Vietnamese women like cooking with oil and butter, so children’s obesity increased rapidly.

Moreover

Linking Words

, their fathers buy snacks for them after they go home.

Secondly

Linking Words

, teenagers must be aware of their

obese

Replace the word

obesity

show examples

states

Correct your spelling

status

show examples

In other words

Linking Words

, they lack control of what they eat.

For example

Linking Words

, American and Vietnamese children love eating fast food and consume too much milk tea after lots of times they need to study at school.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they have a disease and obesity. In conclusion, the government does not have a response for these reasons.

Therefore

Linking Words

, parents need to be careful with

this

Linking Words

activity and say that their children should eat more clearly. Teenagers just need to eat healthy food because it’s good for their improvement.

aitam.dothiThu Apr 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Enhancement

Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance on it. While you did this adequately, refining your introduction could enhance your essay's clarity and impact.

Sentence Variety

Be mindful of the variety in sentence structures. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate linguistic competence.

Example Development

Using examples is good practice, but ensure they are detailed and directly support your argument. Consider expanding on examples with clear relevance and explanation of how they support your point.

Proofreading

Careful proofreading could help in eliminating small grammatical errors and improve the overall readability of your essay.

Clear Stance

You have clearly taken a stance on the issue, which is good practice for this type of essay.

Paragraph Organization

Your paragraphs are well organized, with each one focusing on a specific point. This enhances the coherence of your essay.

Use of Examples

You provided examples to support your points, such as the dietary habits leading to obesity in Vietnamese children, which helps in strengthening your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

200 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
You recently did a short cookery course. The cookery school has asked for your feedback on this course. Write a letter to the course director at the cookery school. In your letter, describe what you enjoyed about the course say how much cooking you've done since the course suggest another cookery course you'd like the school to offer
I am writing this letter to inform you that it was a great experience when I completed the culinary arts skill course at our school and I learnt about various cuisines of different countries.
6.5
band
Most adults are not doing exercise.Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion
Appealing to sedentary life has become prevalent among adult societies. Although it is argued that some tournaments such as the Olympics and the World Cup could intense the population to do activity, I firmly agree with those who think other methods can be more essential for promoting workouts in public like social media and developing exercise equipment.
6
band
Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?
There is no doubt that these days getting experience is one of the secrets to success. So, some people think that the child who has a background before beginning school will affect their future life, while others say that experiences with teenagers at school are more effective. In this essay, I am going to discuss both views and I will draw my own conclusion.
7
band
In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?
It is generally believed that most art classes are dominated by women while
7.5
band
Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Smoking remains a disputable subject worldwide, in general, due to its unfavourable results on both smokers and non-smokers alike. I firmly agree that smoking ought to be banned in public locations, as it poses considerable fitness risks to bystanders and contributes to broader societal troubles.

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Most adults are not doing exercise.Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?