The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
depicts the percentage
Change preposition
of
show examples
men
and women
staff
across the
faculty
in a University in 2012. To overview, male
staff
placed at the highest in engineering
faculty
while
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
took it on education. In the beginning, in
Engineering
Correct article usage
the Engineering
show examples
faculty
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
staff
was highest which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
85% and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same
field
Add a comma
field,
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
showed 18% which was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
female
staff
.
Besides
, on education it showed
Correct article usage
the oposite
show examples
oposite
Correct your spelling
opposite
and
that is
in
this
department women
staff
were 72% and
men
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
25%.
However
, 62%
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
worked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the busniess
show examples
busniess
Correct your spelling
business
and science
faculty
which was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
highest and 42% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
worked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
department which was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
lowest rate.
On the other hand
, 58%
Change preposition
of women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
staff
add
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the arts
faculty
and 50%
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
medicine
Correct article usage
the medicine
show examples
department
while
49%
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
staff
also
add
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
here which was slightly equal to
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
staff
.
Submitted by tanakchakma55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, staff, faculty with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: