IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #staff #members #faculties #university #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
 depicts the percentage
Change preposition
of
show examples
men
 and women
staff
 across the
faculty
 in a University in 2012. To overview, male
staff
 placed at the highest in engineering
faculty
while
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 took it on education. In the beginning, in
Engineering
Correct article usage
the Engineering
show examples
faculty
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
staff
 was highest which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 85% and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
field
Add a comma
field,
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 showed 18% which was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 female
staff
.
Besides
, on education it showed
Correct article usage
the oposite
show examples
oposite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 and
that is
 in
this
 department women
staff
 were 72% and
men
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 25%.
However
, 62%
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 worked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the busniess
show examples
busniess
Correct your spelling
business
 and science
faculty
 which was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest and 42% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 worked
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 department which was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 lowest rate.
On the other hand
, 58%
Change preposition
of women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
staff
add
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the arts
faculty
 and 50%
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
medicine
Correct article usage
the medicine
show examples
 department
while
 49%
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
staff
also
add
Wrong verb form
added
show examples
 here which was slightly equal to
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
staff
.
Submitted by tanakchakma55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, staff, faculty with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: