IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilized to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilized to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
#graphs #gadgets #individuals #age #categories #tv #channels #canada
There are two pie charts that
presenting
Wrong verb form
present
show examples
 the personal tools had been used by people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18 to 25 in 2009 and 2019.
While
, most of them
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
chose
 conventional
TV
 in 2009
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, 10 years later more tendencies
comes
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 toward flat-screen
TV
. To
begein
Correct your spelling
begin
, in 2009 tablets and
laptos
Correct your spelling
laptops
 had the least share among others in
cotrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, conventional
TV
 had about
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of quotes.
Furthermore
,
mobile-phone
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
show examples
, computer
desktop
Fix the agreement mistake
desktops
show examples
 and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 were almost equal in spite of, a little bit
share
Change preposition
of share
show examples
 that laptops had. In 2019 many
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 changes
comes
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 up and
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
result
Add an article
the result
a result
show examples
 of these
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
 in comparison to
2009
Add a comma
2009,
show examples
 only 4 percent of
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 left that apply conventional
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 as a gadget.
Otherwise
, fabs of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
flat screen
Add a hyphen
flat-screen
show examples
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
 could
overtook
Change the verb form
overtake
show examples
 conventional
TV
 fans.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 laptop and desktop computers share becomes lower a both had 12 percent. Significantly more young people used tablets in 2019 and its usage
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to about four times but, it still had the third rank in 2019.
Submitted by Saeed201271 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrate
  • gadgets
  • utilized
  • age categories
  • watching TV channels
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • notable trends
  • increase/decrease
  • devices
  • decade
  • advancements in technology
  • user preferences
  • speculation
  • future trends
  • conclusion
  • implications
  • technology and media companies
  • lifestyle
  • habits
  • target age group
What to do next:
Look at other essays: