IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way for employers to make their workforce happy is allow them more flexible working hours? To what extend do you agree ? What other measures could be effective?

#employers #workforce #hours #measures
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It is a well- known a vast number of employers encourage their
employees
 to more happily in
workplaces
Correct pronoun usage
their workplaces
show examples
.
Therefore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of employers
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to create various flexible working
hours
. In my opinion, flexible working
hours
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 able to give motivation for individuals.
Moreover
, there are many factors
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that companies can start to make their
workers
satisfaction
Replace the word
satisfied
show examples
such
 as outside programs and extra
salary
 . First and foremost, flexible working
hours
 way the best method to give entertainment for
workers
 is that people can live more comfortably. In fact, if
employees
 are able to choose their working
hours
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
times
Change preposition
of times
show examples
 , they would spend their time more freely.
For example
, in 2020,
Ziraat
Correct article usage
the Ziraat
show examples
 Bank in Turkey,
giving
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 a gold chance for its
workers
 to start their work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 various
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
As a result
, The Ziraat Bank obtained
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
company
 reward from Turkish locals
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Additionally
, doing outside programs among colleges and high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to motivate
workers
. Obviously, many
workers
 are confused
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 and hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
Hence
, companies should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
organize outside
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 events to enjoy
employees
 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
For instance
, Google
company
 found in a statistic,
most
Correct pronoun usage
that most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Google
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 are happy with
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 organization.
This
 is
light
Change preposition
in light
show examples
 of the fact that the
company
 organize two times outside
visiting
Replace the word
visits
show examples
 per month.
As a result
, it
succeed
Change the verb form
succeeds
show examples
 in motivating its
workers
. Another prominent factor is that giving extra money for
workers
 surprisedly.
In other words
, money is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
the extremely
show examples
 fundamental element to work individuals
today’s
Change preposition
in today’s
show examples
 world.
Hence
, adding some amount of
salary
 can feel better for
employees
. In conclusion, creating flexible working
hours
 would
be satisfaction
Wrong verb form
satisfy
show examples
employees
 in their
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
 idea.
In addition
, companies can increase
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 level of
enjoying
Replace the word
enjoyment
show examples
 for
workers
 by giving more
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 and organizing outside activities.
Submitted by ab.ciyani on

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Introduction
Consider refining the introduction with a more concise thesis statement that clearly outlines your main points.
Expression
Use more varied sentence structures and aim for clarity in your expressions to enhance readability.
Paragraph coherence
Ensure logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases effectively.
Conclusion
Provide a more detailed conclusion, summarizing your main points and reinforcing your stance.
Examples
To strengthen your arguments, ensure examples are clear, relevant, and well-explained.
Paragraph structure
Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to clearly present the main idea.
Examples
Provided relevant examples to support main points.
Position clarity
Maintained a clear stance throughout the essay.
Content depth
Touched on various factors to increase employee satisfaction, ensuring a holistic approach.
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