People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #activities #life #rescue #workers #risk #lives

Undoubtedly, with more and more individuals addicted to high-risk

sports

people

start to discuss whether using government resources to rescue these

athelates

Correct your spelling

athletes

is a

visable

Correct your spelling

visible

viable

method because they already know how dangerous the sport is and still do these

hazard

Replace the word

hazardous

show examples

sports

. Some

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

refer to saving these

people

as a waste of

society

Change noun form

society's

show examples

sources

Correct your spelling

resources

show examples

others

Correct word choice

while others

show examples

look

upon to

Change preposition

show examples

it as a human

right

. As for my perspectives, I am in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

of the latter, and the reasons will be thoroughly

elaberated

Correct your spelling

elaborated

on as follows.

First,

when speaking of human lives, it definitely is the first priority and everyone should be treated

Change preposition

apply

show examples

equal

Change the word

equally

show examples

. Take Olincpic

Athelates

Correct your spelling

Athletes

for example

, most of the

sports

they played

exist

Verb problem

have

show examples

high risks. To bring the gallery to

Correct article usage

the contry

show examples

contry

Correct your spelling

country

atheletes

Correct your spelling

athletes

spare no efforts to practice day and night,

not to mention

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Add an article

the athelates

show examples

athelates

Correct your spelling

athletes

have contributed to

sports

since they were only 4 or 5 years old. Their giving absolutely

deserve

Correct subject-verb agreement

deserves

show examples

the rescue works to save them when accidents

happened

Wrong verb form

happen

show examples

in the competitions.

Secondly

people

should be treated

Change preposition

apply

show examples

equal

Change the word

equally

show examples

, no

matters

Fix the agreement mistake

matter

show examples

their

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

genders

Fix the agreement mistake

gender

show examples

and

occupations

Fix the agreement mistake

occupation

show examples

. To be more

specifice

Correct your spelling

specific

, taking care of

people

the

Correct article usage

show examples

human

right

that the

govenment

Correct your spelling

government

should be guaranteed. Of course,

people

should be responsible for their

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

and

accepting

Wrong verb form

show examples

the consequences. But

people

have the

right

accepting

Wrong verb form

show examples

the

rescure

Correct your spelling

rescue

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

workers when

tragedy

Add an article

the tragedy

show examples

happened

Wrong verb form

happens

show examples

Inclusion

Correct your spelling

Conclusion

show examples

, based on the

aforementions

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

people

doing

risk

Replace the word

risky

show examples

sports

should be saved

due to

the human

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

they have and the priority of human lives.

Submitted by bpcivvian on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Task Achievement

You've made a strong case by emphasizing the value of human life and equality. However, try to include more varied examples from other dangerous sports, not just Olympic athletes, to strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear structure. Use paragraphs to separate your introduction, each main point, and your conclusion for better readability.

Positive highlights

Consider revising for spelling and grammatical accuracy ('Olinpic Athelates' should be 'Olympic Athletes', 'visable' should be 'viable', 'elaberated on' should be 'elaborated on', etc.). Minor errors can distract the reader.

Positive highlights

Your concluding statement effectively summarizes your standpoint, reinforcing the importance of human rights and the value of human life.

Positive highlights

You have demonstrated a clear position throughout your essay, affirming your support for providing rescue services to individuals partaking in high-risk sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As we are facing more and more problems,which affect the whole planet,good relationship between different countries are becoming more important than ever before .To what extent do you agree or disagree?