Shopping is the favourite pastime of most of the young people. Why is this the case? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities in their free time?

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According to

Linking Words

some, nowadays

youth

Use synonyms

prefer to go shopping

Change preposition

show examples

their pastime.

Although

Linking Words

I believe that young individuals are influenced by their peers at work who follow the latest trend, I argue that they should look for other

activities

Use synonyms

as a leisure

time

Use synonyms

. It has been argued that young

people

Use synonyms

go shopping as a hobby and may buy unnecessary things. Some

analyzers

Replace the word

analysts

show examples

believe that individuals are more likely affected by their colleagues at work or friends in their

youth

Use synonyms

. They

also

Linking Words

proved advertisements encourage young citizens to buy different things.

Therefore

Linking Words

, young adults try to spend their

time

Use synonyms

to buy

Change the verb form

buying

show examples

somethings

Correct your spelling

some things

show examples

which are used by more

people

Use synonyms

or they watch

Change preposition

apply

show examples

TV advertising.

For example

Linking Words

apple company

Correct your spelling

Apple Company

show examples

conducted a survey and announced that most young

people

Use synonyms

prefer to buy

apple's

Capitalize word

Apple's

show examples

products as luxury items. Some experts prove that young should

encourage

Wrong verb form

be encouraged

show examples

to do beneficial

activities

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of shopping as a hobby. They believe that if

youth

Use synonyms

go to

gym

Add an article

the gym

a gym

show examples

doing

Wrong verb form

show examples

yoga

instead

Linking Words

Wrong verb form

going

show examples

shopping, they will be fit and

also

Linking Words

can save money. In my opinion,

in addition

Linking Words

to doing sports

activities

Use synonyms

, young

people

Use synonyms

can learn new skills in their leisure

time

Use synonyms

by participating in online courses and

enhanced

Wrong verb form

enhancing

show examples

their self-esteem .

For instance

Linking Words

, some big companies offer numerous free courses annually for their young employees not only to learn new skills, but their young members

also

Linking Words

can enjoy their free

time

Use synonyms

during these workshops. In conclusion,

according to

Linking Words

some ideas,

youth

Use synonyms

are being

shopaholic

Fix the agreement mistake

shopaholics

show examples

because of wrong advertisements. I believe they should be encouraged to spend their

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

learning new proficiency or doing some sports because these

activities

Use synonyms

could help them to improve themselves.

Pegahghaderi85Sat Apr 06 2024

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task achievement

Expand on your arguments by including more varied and complex examples.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and complexity of your essay.

task achievement

Ensure you directly address the prompt throughout your essay to maintain a strong focus on the task.

coherence cohesion

Consider revising for clarity and precision, especially in your argumentation, to strengthen your essay's coherence.

coherence cohesion

Introduced and concluded the essay effectively, giving a clear stance on the topic.

task achievement

Your essay provides a balanced perspective by examining both sides of the argument, which enriches the discussion.

task achievement

Inclusion of a specific example such as the survey by Apple to support your argument adds credibility and interest.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Shopping is the favourite pastime of most of the young people. Why is this the case? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities in their free time?

More and more people use private motorbikes or cars instead of taking public transport. What are the reasons for this trend? How can the government encourage people to take public transport? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

What are some ways of reducing plastic for a greener environment? Support your position with reasons and examples taken from your reading, experience and observations.

Argument: Some people think that students in single-sex schools perform better academically. Others, however, believe that mixed schools provide children with better social skills for adult life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.