Shopping is the favourite pastime of most of the young people. Why is this the case? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities in their free time?
According to
some, nowadays Linking Words
youth
prefer to go shopping Use synonyms
in
their pastime. Change preposition
as
Although
I believe that young individuals are influenced by their peers at work who follow the latest trend, I argue that they should look for other Linking Words
activities
as a leisure Use synonyms
time
.
It has been argued that young Use synonyms
people
go shopping as a hobby and may buy unnecessary things. Some Use synonyms
analyzers
believe that individuals are more likely affected by their colleagues at work or friends in their Replace the word
analysts
youth
. They Use synonyms
also
proved advertisements encourage young citizens to buy different things. Linking Words
Therefore
, young adults try to spend their Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
somethings
which are used by more Correct your spelling
some things
people
or they watch Use synonyms
on
TV advertising. Change preposition
apply
For example
, Linking Words
apple company
conducted a survey and announced that most young Correct your spelling
Apple Company
people
prefer to buy Use synonyms
apple's
products as luxury items.
Some experts prove that young should Capitalize word
Apple's
encourage
to do beneficial Wrong verb form
be encouraged
activities
Use synonyms
instead
of shopping as a hobby. They believe that if Linking Words
youth
go to Use synonyms
gym
or Add an article
the gym
a gym
doing
yoga Wrong verb form
do
instead
of Linking Words
go
shopping, they will be fit and Wrong verb form
going
also
can save money. In my opinion, Linking Words
in addition
to doing sports Linking Words
activities
, young Use synonyms
people
can learn new skills in their leisure Use synonyms
time
by participating in online courses and Use synonyms
enhanced
their self-esteem . Wrong verb form
enhancing
For instance
, some big companies offer numerous free courses annually for their young employees not only to learn new skills, but their young members Linking Words
also
can enjoy their free Linking Words
time
during these workshops.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
according to
some ideas, Linking Words
youth
are being Use synonyms
shopaholic
because of wrong advertisements. I believe they should be encouraged to spend their Fix the agreement mistake
shopaholics
time
Use synonyms
on
learning new proficiency or doing some sports because these Change preposition
apply
activities
could help them to improve themselves.Use synonyms
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Expand on your arguments by including more varied and complex examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and complexity of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure you directly address the prompt throughout your essay to maintain a strong focus on the task.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising for clarity and precision, especially in your argumentation, to strengthen your essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduced and concluded the essay effectively, giving a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced perspective by examining both sides of the argument, which enriches the discussion.
task achievement
Inclusion of a specific example such as the survey by Apple to support your argument adds credibility and interest.