IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many city centers these days have traffic flow problems, causing congestion and pollution. One solution is to build fast ring roads on the outskirts of a city, taking traffic away from the centre. While this is helpful in some ways, it also causes new problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#city #centers #traffic #flow #congestion #pollution #roads #outskirts #centre
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Some
people
 think that
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 traffic jams in the city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 should be solved by developing
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
 ring
roads
 industry in the suburbs.
This
 essay totally disagrees with
this
 statement. Personally, I believe that ring
roads
 are not only the main
sourse
Correct your spelling
source
 of continuous noise and air pollution,
in addition
, it is a serious problem for the lifestyle of pedestrians and cyclists of that area. At
first,
building
of
Change preposition
apply
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this
 type of
roads systems
Fix the agreement mistake
road system
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more often provided by cutting down the forests and destroying environmentally significant landscapes.
Such
 areas produce a major amount of oxygen and are crucial for the health of local residents.
Furthermore
, the ability to travel faster by private car discourages
people
 from using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport, which causes far less air pollution by transporting more
people
 by one bus or tram.
In addition
,
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
 of ring
roads
 has a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 pedestrians and cyclists.
For example
, when we
had travelling
Verb problem
travelled
show examples
 to Dubai city with my immediate family
last
 year,
instead
 of walking down the streets, we had to get a taxi even for a tiny distance because of
ring
Add an article
the ring
a ring
show examples
 road system, which we were not able to cross.
Such
 road systems made local
people
, who prefer walking or cycling,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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choose between
make
Change the form of the verb
making
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 a long detour to cross the road or
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 by car. In conclusion, despite
constructing
Replace the word
construction
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the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 fast ring
roads
 could be helpful for avoiding traffic congestion, it has been increasingly noticed, that it would have a significantly negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 pollution and
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the suburbs.
Submitted by perizatyelemessova on

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Clarity and development of ideas
While your essay clearly presents your viewpoint, improving the clarity of your main ideas and developing them more thoroughly could enhance your argument.
Use of cohesive devices and paragraphing
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to enhance the flow and structure of your essay.
Effectiveness of examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your points more effectively; this will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay.
Use of personal examples
You have provided relevant examples from personal experience which add a personal touch to your essay.
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