Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Parents’ opinions differ as
whether
what is likely better for their Change preposition
to
kids
- attempting to nursery
or being at home
with caring family members, such
as grandparents
. To be honest, I believe that nurseries or other pre-
Correct your spelling
preschool
school
courses are the best thing in baby
care institute. Correct article usage
a baby
This
essay will discuss both of
beliefs and explain the reasons Change preposition
apply
of
supporting my point of view.
On the one hand, some people think that Change preposition
for
grandparents
will be better careers for their children due to
several reasons, such
as their unrequited love. The supporters of this
point of view truly believe that there is no safe place for their preschool age
Add a hyphen
preschool-age
kids
except home
while
there are
a lot of terrible news about cruel teachers of Change the verb form
is
nursery
in different regions of our country. Fix the agreement mistake
nurseries
For example
, I”ve
read about Correct pronoun usage
apply
death
of 3 Add an article
the death
years
child during his walk with Fix the agreement mistake
year
teacher
in the Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
nursery
in Almaty city 2 years ago. Also
, there
is no secret that Correct pronoun usage
it
kids
, which
attend nurseries are Fix the agreement mistake
who
the
regular patients of hospitals with different kinds of diseases. Correct article usage
apply
For
this
reason, many people prefer staying at home
with their grandparents
untill
they will Correct your spelling
until
attemp
Correct your spelling
attempt
a
Correct article usage
apply
school
.
On the other hand
, the opponents of this
, including me, think that grandparents
have a right to live their own life, travelling or doing what they want while
their grandchildren can enjoy their pre-school
time with their peers. For example
, my children have attempted the nursery
at the age of 3, and there are a lot of advantages which I’ve seen. They became more independent and social
active rather than their peers, Change the word
socially
which
parents decided their Correct word choice
and
kids
to stay at home
untill
Correct your spelling
until
school
age. Also
they’ve never had Add a comma
Also,
a
trouble with their studies Remove the article
apply
at
the first year of Change preposition
in
school
, because they were totally ready to
Change preposition
for
this
due to
the variety of lessons in nursery
.
In conclusion, despite some people think that Add an article
the nursery
a nursery
grandparents
will take care of their kids
better than nurseries, it has been increasingly noticed that,
children must socialize and attempt the educational places long before their first day at Remove the comma
apply
school
.Submitted by perizatyelemessova on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph to improve coherence.
general
It's beneficial to proofread your essay to catch any typographical or grammatical errors, which can enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by discussing each side of the argument equally before stating your opinion. This will make your argument more persuasive.
language
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and proficiency.
task achievement
You effectively discussed both views and provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure was logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion and justified it with specific reasons and examples, which strengthened your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.