Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Parents’ opinions differ as

whether

Change preposition

show examples

what is likely better for their

kids

Use synonyms

- attempting to

nursery

Use synonyms

or being at

home

Use synonyms

with caring family members,

such

Linking Words

grandparents

Use synonyms

. To be honest, I believe that nurseries or other

pre-

Correct your spelling

preschool

show examples

school

Use synonyms

courses are the best thing in

baby

Correct article usage

a baby

show examples

care institute.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both

Change preposition

apply

show examples

beliefs and explain the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

supporting my point of view. On the one hand, some people think that

grandparents

Use synonyms

will be better careers for their children

due to

Linking Words

several reasons,

such

Linking Words

as their unrequited love. The supporters of

this

Linking Words

point of view truly believe that there is no safe place for their

preschool age

Add a hyphen

preschool-age

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

except

home

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

a lot of terrible news about cruel teachers of

Use synonyms

nursery

Fix the agreement mistake

nurseries

show examples

in different regions of our country.

For example

Linking Words

, I”

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

read about

death

Add an article

the death

show examples

of 3

years

Fix the agreement mistake

year

show examples

child during his walk with

teacher

Add an article

the teacher

a teacher

show examples

in the

nursery

Use synonyms

in Almaty city 2 years ago.

Also

Linking Words

there

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

is no secret that

kids

Use synonyms

which

Fix the agreement mistake

who

show examples

attend nurseries are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

regular patients of hospitals with different kinds of diseases.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, many people prefer staying at

home

Use synonyms

with their

grandparents

Use synonyms

untill

Correct your spelling

until

they will

attemp

Correct your spelling

attempt

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the opponents of

this

Linking Words

, including me, think that

grandparents

Use synonyms

have a right to live their own life, travelling or doing what they want

while

Linking Words

their grandchildren can enjoy their pre-

school

Use synonyms

time with their peers.

For example

Linking Words

, my children have attempted the

nursery

Use synonyms

at the age of 3, and there are a lot of advantages which I’ve seen. They became more independent and

social

Change the word

socially

show examples

active rather than their peers,

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

parents decided their

kids

Use synonyms

to stay at

home

Use synonyms

untill

Correct your spelling

until

school

Use synonyms

age.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

they’ve never had

Remove the article

apply

show examples

trouble with their studies

Change preposition

show examples

the first year of

school

Use synonyms

, because they were totally ready

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the variety of lessons in

Use synonyms

nursery

Add an article

the nursery

a nursery

show examples

. In conclusion, despite some people think that

grandparents

Use synonyms

will take care of their

kids

Use synonyms

better than nurseries, it has been increasingly noticed that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

children must socialize and attempt the educational places long before their first day at

school

Use synonyms

perizatyelemessova

Apr 6, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph to improve coherence.

general

It's beneficial to proofread your essay to catch any typographical or grammatical errors, which can enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

task achievement

Try to provide a balanced view by discussing each side of the argument equally before stating your opinion. This will make your argument more persuasive.

language

Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and proficiency.

task achievement

You effectively discussed both views and provided relevant examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay structure was logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You clearly stated your opinion and justified it with specific reasons and examples, which strengthened your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

childcare centers
pre-school age
structured curricula
trained professionals
cognitive skills
social skills
interaction
sharing
teamwork
nurturing
personalized care
emotional security
attachment
one-on-one attention
emotional development
sense of belonging
work-life balance
consistent routine
flexibility
adapt to needs
learning experiences
academic skills

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ome people think that economic growth is the only solution to stop poverty and hunger, while others think that economic growth is damaging the environment and should be stopped immediately. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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