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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart demonstrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 to 2015. In
overall
Linking Words
 view mobile phone users and computer users, the initial
percentage
Use synonyms
 is same and these
two
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 strike at peak position
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given interval of the
year
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 achieved
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given
year
Use synonyms
 interval is for MP3 Players.In the forthcoming paragraph, I explain deeply
this
Linking Words
 chart information.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,We rectify that there are four types of people who own household devices from the span of 1995 to 2015.
Firstly
Linking Words
two
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 mobile phones and computers peaked at their highest position between 1995 to 2015 and the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was
initially
Linking Words
 the same nearly about 8% for both
categories
Use synonyms
 and suddenly increased to 70% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000.
However
Linking Words
,personal computer users gradually increase from the initial
year
Use synonyms
 to the end of the
year
Use synonyms
. Other than that,the Popularity of the
two
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 tablet and mp3 player is less in comparison to the other
two
Use synonyms
categories
Use synonyms
 player
initially
Linking Words
 started at 15% and in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 the computer and mp3 user percentages were the same at about 25% and
then
Linking Words
 the mp3 player popularity
further
Linking Words
 increased slowly ended nearly about 32% in 2015.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were no people owing tablets before the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 and it became popular after the
year
Use synonyms
 2000 and peaked at 72 % in the
year
Use synonyms
 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, initially".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, two, categories, year, mp with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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