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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #temperatures #three #cities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The following illustration depicts
monthly
Correct article usage
the monthly
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 average temperatures of
Paris
Use synonyms
,
Dubai
Use synonyms
 and Sydney.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can observe that
Dubai
Use synonyms
 had the highest average
temperature
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 among the 3 cities, and
Paris
Use synonyms
 had the lowest average
temperature
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. Sydney’s
standart
Correct your spelling
standard
temperature
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 throughout the year varied a lot, during some months its
temperature
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 was higher than in
Dubai
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, and at times it was lower than in
Paris
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.
Dubai
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 reached a minimum of almost 20
degrees
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 in January and after it started increasing until August and peaked at approximately 35
degrees
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 that month. And
then
Linking Words
 it started decreasing steadily until the end of the year and again reached roughly 20
degrees
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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Celsius. The average
temperature
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 in
Paris
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 started increasing gradually until July and stayed steady in August, too. During the following
months
Add a comma
months,
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 the
temperature
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starting
Wrong verb form
started
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 decreasing and reached a minimum of 5
degrees
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, the same as in January. Sydney’s
temperature
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 in January was approximately 23
degrees
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 and during the following
months
Add a comma
months,
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 it started declining
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and reached a minimum of around 14
degrees
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 in July. After the average
temperature
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 started increasing again and reached almost 25
degrees
Use synonyms
 in December.
Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words paris, dubai, temperature, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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