IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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The
Correct article usage
Payment
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payment
Use synonyms
 methods have been
developing
Wrong verb form
developed
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 to lessen banknotes
payment
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 might affect
people
Use synonyms
 in daily life because paper money will be replaced by cards or online
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 will be unsatisfied because of
hard
Correct article usage
the hard
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 method and paying heavy taxes. Nowadays, some
countries
Use synonyms
 use card or phone
payments
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instead
Linking Words
 of cash since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet access is usually widely available.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some governments require reducing the costs of producing banknotes.
This
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 is the reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments encourage commercial banks to adopt
cashless
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 systems
such
Linking Words
 as online platforms or card
payments
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments are able to examine the income of the population from
bank
Use synonyms
 accounts.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government can gain more tax income of tax from
this
Linking Words
 process.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the elderly generation who lack access to technology do not understand how to use
cashless
Use synonyms
payments
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, underdeveloped
countries
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 have populations
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are unbanked or underbanked,
such
Linking Words
 as Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar.
Furthermore
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, tax avoidance decreases when
people
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 have to use the
cashless
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 system
due to
Linking Words
 government examination of
bank
Use synonyms
 accounts.
For example
Linking Words
,
bank
Use synonyms
 account books are being replaced by mobile banking applications or
bank
Use synonyms
 websites, and
instead
Linking Words
 of paying with banknotes,
people
Use synonyms
 will pay with cards or mobile phones. In conclusion,
cashless
Use synonyms
payment
Use synonyms
 is already present in some
countries
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, and
this
Linking Words
 trend is expected to increase dramatically in the future. Online platforms and card
payments
Use synonyms
 are replacing paper money with government support.
However
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 do not have access to convenient
payment
Use synonyms
 methods.

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coherence & cohesion
Try adding more transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. This will make the progression of your ideas smoother and easier to follow.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider including more varied and detailed examples. This will provide stronger support for your main points and make your essay more persuasive.
task response
You effectively addressed the topic and provided a clear opinion on the future of cashless payments.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supporting details
You used relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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