Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phones #places #libraries #shops #transport

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There is a conflicting view among

people

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for

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the average

age

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of drinking. Several believe that it ought to be above the current set

age

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which is 21

years

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, whilst others think that it should be up to an individual and

age

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shouldn’t be the deciding factor.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss the reasons for both views, which are the impact of drinking on one’s

career

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and health and

lack

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the lack

show examples

of self-discipline in many youngsters. The current set

age

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for drinking

alcohol

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is 21

years

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, which is

very

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a very

show examples

important duration of time to build

the

Correct article usage

show examples

career

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. Actions taken during

this

Linking Words

age

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contribute a lot towards building

the

Correct article usage

show examples

successful

career

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And

Correct word choice

Alcohol

show examples

alcohol

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or any sort of addictive substance interrupts a lot

in focusing

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of focus

show examples

on something that requires continuous hard work and self-discipline. It is

therefore

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agreed that

alcohol

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consumption should be legalized for the

age

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people

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above 25

years

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This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the fact that most of the individuals have completed the initial hard work required for building

successful

Add an article

a successful

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career

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this

Linking Words

age

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However

Linking Words

, others contend against

this

Linking Words

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

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and argue that individuals should have the right to decide when they should start drinking, and

age

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shouldn’t be given the preference

while

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making that decision.

Moreover

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, they

also

Linking Words

advocate that

people

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are rational and, they can decide what is good for them.

On the contrary

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, as per the survey conducted by the Harvard Research Center, only 20% of

the

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apply

show examples

youngsters actually put

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

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to avoid

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into avoiding

show examples

things that give them temporary gratification despite knowing their future ramifications. In conclusion,

drinking

Correct article usage

the drinking

show examples

age

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should be above the current set

age

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of 21

years

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because steps taken towards the future

career

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goal are paramount for success, and

alcohol

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prevents youngsters from putting required hard work for the same.

Additionally

Linking Words

, not all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

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are disciplined enough to abstain

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

from addictive substances despite knowing their harmful effects.

Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure the topic of the essay is addressed directly and precisely. The provided essay discusses the issue of drinking age, while the topic is about banning mobile phones in public places. Staying on topic is crucial for task achievement.

Task Achievement

Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by staying focused on the given topic. When the topic is correctly understood and addressed, ensure your ideas directly relate to it and support your argument with relevant examples or evidence.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to join ideas and sentences. While the essay has good structure, more varied linguistic devices could create smoother transitions between points.

Coherence & Cohesion

Though well-structured in terms of paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph supports a single, clear idea related to the question can help maintain logical flow and improve coherence.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the importance of an introduction and a conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing your argument.

Logical Structure

You have structured your essay well into paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the discussion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay.

Supported Main Points

The main points made in the essay are supported by reasoning, indicating an effort to build a coherent argument around the topic, albeit slightly off the given topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. [492]

Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many museums and historic sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than by local residents. What are the causes of this? What can be done for museums and historic sites to attract more local visitors?