Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a conflicting view among
people
for
the average Change preposition
on
age
of drinking. Several believe that it ought to be above the current set age
which is 21 years
, whilst others think that it should be up to an individual and age
shouldn’t be the deciding factor. This
essay will discuss the reasons for both views, which are the impact of drinking on one’s career
and health and lack
of self-discipline in many youngsters.
The current set Correct article usage
the lack
age
for drinking alcohol
is 21 years
, which is very
important duration of time to build Correct article usage
a very
the
Correct article usage
a
career
. Actions taken during this
age
contribute a lot towards building the
successful Correct article usage
a
career
. And
Correct word choice
Alcohol
alcohol
or any sort of addictive substance interrupts a lot in focusing
on something that requires continuous hard work and self-discipline. It is Change preposition
of focus
therefore
agreed that alcohol
consumption should be legalized for the age
of people
above 25 years
. This
is due to
the fact that most of the individuals have completed the initial hard work required for building successful
Add an article
a successful
career
by this
age
.
However
, others contend against this
view point
and argue that individuals should have the right to decide when they should start drinking, and Correct your spelling
viewpoint
age
shouldn’t be given the preference while
making that decision. Moreover
, they also
advocate that people
are rational and, they can decide what is good for them. On the contrary
, as per the survey conducted by the Harvard Research Center, only 20% of the
youngsters actually put Correct article usage
apply
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
to avoid
things that give them temporary gratification despite knowing their future ramifications.
In conclusion, Change preposition
into avoiding
drinking
Correct article usage
the drinking
age
should be above the current set age
of 21 years
because steps taken towards the future career
goal are paramount for success, and alcohol
prevents youngsters from putting required hard work for the same. Additionally
, not all the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are disciplined enough to abstain themselves
from addictive substances despite knowing their harmful effects.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure the topic of the essay is addressed directly and precisely. The provided essay discusses the issue of drinking age, while the topic is about banning mobile phones in public places. Staying on topic is crucial for task achievement.
Task Achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by staying focused on the given topic. When the topic is correctly understood and addressed, ensure your ideas directly relate to it and support your argument with relevant examples or evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to join ideas and sentences. While the essay has good structure, more varied linguistic devices could create smoother transitions between points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Though well-structured in terms of paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph supports a single, clear idea related to the question can help maintain logical flow and improve coherence.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the importance of an introduction and a conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing your argument.
Logical Structure
You have structured your essay well into paragraphs, each addressing different aspects of the discussion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout your essay.
Supported Main Points
The main points made in the essay are supported by reasoning, indicating an effort to build a coherent argument around the topic, albeit slightly off the given topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.