Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion
There are opposite views either
children
’s Use synonyms
leisure
agendas should be decided by Use synonyms
parents
or themselves. In my opinion, I believe that it is best to give Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
freedom
to choose Add an article
the freedom
free-time
Use synonyms
activities
because it can improve their self-confidence.
On the one hand, the management of Use synonyms
free-time
Use synonyms
activities
among Use synonyms
children
must be handled by Use synonyms
parents
in order to not waste their potential. Generally, when a child tries to select particular Use synonyms
activities
to fill their Use synonyms
leisure
time, the decision Use synonyms
underpins
either Add a missing verb
is underpins
from
Change preposition
apply
the
conformity towards their friends or they just want to have fun. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, Linking Words
children
will not acknowledge their Use synonyms
area
of Fix the agreement mistake
areas
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
as well as
fully develop their potential. If Linking Words
parents
are taking Use synonyms
role
to Add an article
the role
a role
arranged
their Wrong verb form
arrange
free-time
Use synonyms
activities
; Use synonyms
however
, those risks can be alleviated. It can be seen among South Korean Linking Words
parents
, who mostly contribute to Use synonyms
arrange
their Wrong verb form
arranging
children
’s Use synonyms
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
since they do not want to waste prominent resources that can enhance their child’s competencies, and later Use synonyms
enables
them to possess useful skills when entering higher educational stages. Regarding Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
this
notion, Linking Words
nevertheless
, I do not think Linking Words
this
method can benefit Linking Words
children
in the long run because it Use synonyms
cause
Change the verb form
causes
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
independency
toward themselves.
Replace the word
independence
On the other hand
, giving offspring the liberty to decide Linking Words
pursuits
during their spare time can improve self-confidence. Entrusting Change preposition
on pursuits
children
with their own choices subliminally prompts them to believe Use synonyms
Change preposition
in their
their
abilities. A 2018 research by the Anna Freud Centre revealed that the consequences of autonomous Change preposition
in their
parents
who gave their Use synonyms
children
opportunities to choose their additional Use synonyms
activities
during school breaksUse synonyms
,
caused greater improvements in their self-confidence that consecutively preserved until their secondary school period. Meanwhile, those Remove the comma
apply
whom
Correct pronoun usage
whose
parents
tried to take control over all educational and non-educational schedules, made Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
felt
inferiorWrong verb form
feel
,
and deemed to doubt their competencies. Reflecting Remove the comma
apply
Linking Words
this
view; Change preposition
on this
therefore
, I support the idea that enables Linking Words
children
to have their own dependency for choosing Use synonyms
free-time
Use synonyms
activities
since it can embark Use synonyms
positive
characteristics that Change preposition
on positive
maintains
for the long term.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
maintain
although
Linking Words
parents
-centred management of Use synonyms
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
benefits Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
to
not Change preposition
by
waste
their potential, I think Wrong verb form
wasting
this
method slowly deters them from being fully independent Linking Words
toward
Change preposition
apply
themselves
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, I support the belief of giving more liberty Linking Words
toward
Change preposition
to
children
in order to prompt their positive attributes, which can be useful in the long term.Use synonyms
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development and support
Try to ensure that examples and ideas are not only relevant but detailed and fully developed to enhance clarity and impact.
grammatical range and accuracy
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy, focusing on maintaining clarity and correctness.
task response
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed and that your opinion is clear and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance.
task response
You've done an excellent job at discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
use of examples
Use of specific example from the Anna Freud Centre research adequately supports your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
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- such as
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