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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There are opposite views either
children
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’s
leisure
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 agendas should be decided by
parents
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 or themselves. In my opinion, I believe that it is best to give
children
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freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to choose
free-time
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activities
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 because it can improve their self-confidence. On the one hand, the management of
free-time
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activities
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 among
children
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 must be handled by
parents
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 in order to not waste their potential. Generally, when a child tries to select particular
activities
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 to fill their
leisure
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 time, the decision
underpins
Add a missing verb
is underpins
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 either
from
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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conformity towards their friends or they just want to have fun.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
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 will not acknowledge their
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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as well as
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 fully develop their potential. If
parents
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 are taking
role
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the role
a role
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 to
arranged
Wrong verb form
arrange
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 their
free-time
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activities
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;
however
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, those risks can be alleviated. It can be seen among South Korean
parents
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, who mostly contribute to
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
 their
children
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’s
leisure
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activities
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 since they do not want to waste prominent resources that can enhance their child’s competencies, and later
enables
Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
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 them to possess useful skills when entering higher educational stages. Regarding
this
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 notion,
nevertheless
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, I do not think
this
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 method can benefit
children
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 in the long run because it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
independency
Replace the word
independence
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 toward themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving offspring the liberty to decide
pursuits
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on pursuits
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 during their spare time can improve self-confidence. Entrusting
children
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 with their own choices subliminally prompts them to believe
Change preposition
in their
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their
Change preposition
in their
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 abilities. A 2018 research by the Anna Freud Centre revealed that the consequences of autonomous
parents
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 who gave their
children
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 opportunities to choose their additional
activities
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 during school breaks
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 caused greater improvements in their self-confidence that consecutively preserved until their secondary school period. Meanwhile, those
whom
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
parents
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 tried to take control over all educational and non-educational schedules, made
children
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felt
Wrong verb form
feel
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 inferior
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and deemed to doubt their competencies. Reflecting
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this
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on this
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 view;
therefore
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, I support the idea that enables
children
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 to have their own dependency for choosing
free-time
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activities
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 since it can embark
positive
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on positive
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 characteristics that
maintains
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maintain
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 for the long term. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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-centred management of
leisure
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activities
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 benefits
children
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to
Change preposition
by
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 not
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
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 their potential, I think
this
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 method slowly deters them from being fully independent
toward
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I support the belief of giving more liberty
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
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 in order to prompt their positive attributes, which can be useful in the long term.

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development and support
Try to ensure that examples and ideas are not only relevant but detailed and fully developed to enhance clarity and impact.
grammatical range and accuracy
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy, focusing on maintaining clarity and correctness.
task response
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed and that your opinion is clear and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance.
task response
You've done an excellent job at discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
use of examples
Use of specific example from the Anna Freud Centre research adequately supports your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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