Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion
There are opposite views either
children
’s leisure
agendas should be decided by parents
or themselves. In my opinion, I believe that it is best to give children
freedom
to choose Add an article
the freedom
free-time
activities
because it can improve their self-confidence.
On the one hand, the management of free-time
activities
among children
must be handled by parents
in order to not waste their potential. Generally, when a child tries to select particular activities
to fill their leisure
time, the decision underpins
either Add a missing verb
is underpins
from
Change preposition
apply
the
conformity towards their friends or they just want to have fun. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, children
will not acknowledge their area
of Fix the agreement mistake
areas
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
as well as
fully develop their potential. If parents
are taking role
to Add an article
the role
a role
arranged
their Wrong verb form
arrange
free-time
activities
; however
, those risks can be alleviated. It can be seen among South Korean parents
, who mostly contribute to arrange
their Wrong verb form
arranging
children
’s leisure
activities
since they do not want to waste prominent resources that can enhance their child’s competencies, and later enables
them to possess useful skills when entering higher educational stages. Regarding Correct subject-verb agreement
enable
this
notion, nevertheless
, I do not think this
method can benefit children
in the long run because it cause
Change the verb form
causes
lack
of Correct article usage
a lack
independency
toward themselves.
Replace the word
independence
On the other hand
, giving offspring the liberty to decide pursuits
during their spare time can improve self-confidence. Entrusting Change preposition
on pursuits
children
with their own choices subliminally prompts them to believe Change preposition
in their
their
abilities. A 2018 research by the Anna Freud Centre revealed that the consequences of autonomous Change preposition
in their
parents
who gave their children
opportunities to choose their additional activities
during school breaks,
caused greater improvements in their self-confidence that consecutively preserved until their secondary school period. Meanwhile, those Remove the comma
apply
whom
Correct pronoun usage
whose
parents
tried to take control over all educational and non-educational schedules, made children
felt
inferiorWrong verb form
feel
,
and deemed to doubt their competencies. Reflecting Remove the comma
apply
this
view; Change preposition
on this
therefore
, I support the idea that enables children
to have their own dependency for choosing free-time
activities
since it can embark positive
characteristics that Change preposition
on positive
maintains
for the long term.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
maintain
although
parents
-centred management of leisure
activities
benefits children
to
not Change preposition
by
waste
their potential, I think Wrong verb form
wasting
this
method slowly deters them from being fully independent toward
Change preposition
apply
themselves
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, I support the belief of giving more liberty toward
Change preposition
to
children
in order to prompt their positive attributes, which can be useful in the long term.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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development and support
Try to ensure that examples and ideas are not only relevant but detailed and fully developed to enhance clarity and impact.
grammatical range and accuracy
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy, focusing on maintaining clarity and correctness.
task response
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed and that your opinion is clear and reiterated in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance.
task response
You've done an excellent job at discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
use of examples
Use of specific example from the Anna Freud Centre research adequately supports your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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