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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes? What are the effects on society?

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Several nations have noticed a change in how
students
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 do not prefer to choose
science
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subjects
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the causes,
as well as
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 their effects on our society. On the one hand, there are endless drawbacks for
students
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 not choosing
science
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subjects
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. The primary demerit for ignoring these
subjects
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 is its complications, which could negatively impact the growth of an economy .
In other words
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, when teenagers graduate from high school they prefer to take
subjects
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 like art or craft, as these are very simple topics in comparison with
science
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.
Furthermore
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,
science
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 requires a deep understanding of all topics,
such
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 as experimenting in a laboratory requires knowledge of all ingredients used. To illustrate, in a recent survey in New Jersey,
science
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 interns graduating from New York University tend to make mistakes with chemical substances, which reported almost 30 accidents in scientific laboratories in 2023.
On the other hand
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,
science
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 has been a crucial element of our society. Since the
last
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 decade, innovations in technology have been upscaled. To put it another way,
science
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 plays a huge role in the development of a country, it includes investments and innovations of spacecraft, inventing new gadgets like drones, solar panels, etc.
However
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, failure to address any of these factors may have a negative impact on the country's growth.
For instance
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, in the budget of 2022, the United States of America has been contributing almost 10% of its
overall
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 expenses in research and development. In conclusion, the decline in
students
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 opting for
science
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subjects
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 stems from the perceived difficulty and complexity of these fields.
This
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 trend poses significant risks to societal advancement, as it may hinder technological innovation and economic growth. Encouraging more
students
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 to pursue
science
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 is essential for fostering a progressive and resilient society.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job of presenting the topic and providing a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to increase coherence and cohesion, try to better link your main points and examples to the central argument of each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the question by identifying causes and effects related to the decline in science students. To improve, consider delving deeper into the reasons behind students' preferences and how they directly affect specific sectors of society. Providing a more thorough analysis could strengthen your response.
task achievement
While you provided relevant examples, aim to incorporate more specific details and elaborate on how these examples clearly support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly stating the main points you will discuss and providing a strong summary of your arguments.
task achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics)
  • intrinsic complexity
  • interdisciplinary
  • career counseling
  • hands-on experience
  • financial constraints
  • cultural stereotypes
  • technological stagnation
  • economic growth
  • foreign experts
  • healthcare advancements
  • educational gap
  • perceived difficulty
  • reliance
  • environmental challenges
What to do next:
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