Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #work #police #force

A group of individuals thinks that females should not be permitted in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

policing jobs. I reckon that it is a

discriminated

Replace the word

discriminatory

show examples

approach towards a gender and might result in the imbalance of power held by

both

genders.

To begin

with, equal employment opportunities should be offered to job seekers and no partiality should be done on the basis of sex. Scientific evidence suggests that

both

men and

women

are built with

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

kind of physiological and analogical

characters

Replace the word

characteristics

show examples

Also

both

genders possess similar intellectual abilities. So, why

women

are not to be considered for a specific career is a questionable thing.

Additionally

career

Add an article

a career

show examples

such

profession

Correct article usage

a profession

show examples

can assist females to gain power and status in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society which they lagged

earlier

Change preposition

in earlier

show examples

due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

gender

biasis

Correct your spelling

biases

bias

Consequently

balance

Correct article usage

a balance

show examples

of power will bring about harmony and peace.

Moreover

, females are generally more productive individuals at work. Their contribution could take

police

Correct article usage

the police

show examples

force to

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

levels

Fix the agreement mistake

level

show examples

For instance

, one study suggests that

women

's productivity is higher as compared to their male counterparts

due to

their multifarious responsibilities at

both

home and work. They have to nourish their kids at home,

due

Correct word choice

and due

show examples

this

fact, they finish their work on time.

However

, males do not have

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

household chores on them

thus

they tend to

procastinate

Correct your spelling

procrastinate

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

and they do not have any urgency to go

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

home.

Furthermore

women

will get more things done within a particular

timespan

Correct your spelling

time span

show examples

Such

kinds of great contributors are required in every profession.

To conclude

women

should become part of

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

services department so that their skills get recognized in

soceity

Correct your spelling

society

. Not only it will help them to raise their voice and status in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society but

also

it will help to establish a more democratic and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

equal society.

Submitted by Kiran on Mon Apr 08 2024

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Language Use

Be mindful of maintaining formal language throughout the essay. Terms like 'reckon' might feel too informal for this context. Consider using 'believe' or 'think' instead.

Support and Examples

Try to provide more concrete examples to support your argument. Although you mentioned a study about women's productivity, citing more specific data, research, or cases would make your argument stronger.

Grammar and Sentence Structure

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and aim for a bit more variety in sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.

Argument Structure

You have done a great job presenting a clear thesis statement and maintaining focus on it throughout your essay. This helps in keeping your argument coherent and engaging.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates the thesis in a compelling way, which is excellent practice for closing an argument.

Flow and Logic

The essay demonstrates a good use of transitions and logical sequencing of ideas which aids in the overall flow and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

inherent equality
law enforcement
empathy
gender-based violence
community relations
diversity
team performance
systemic gender bias
physical requirements
culture of masculinity

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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

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eople believe that Generation Z (1997-2007) are more dishonest than previous generationsWhat are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative

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