Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #work #police #force

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A group of individuals thinks that females should not be permitted in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

policing jobs. I reckon that it is a

discriminated

Replace the word

discriminatory

show examples

approach towards a gender and might result in the imbalance of power held by

both

Use synonyms

genders.

To begin

Linking Words

with, equal employment opportunities should be offered to job seekers and no partiality should be done on the basis of sex. Scientific evidence suggests that

both

Use synonyms

men and

women

Use synonyms

are built with

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

kind of physiological and analogical

characters

Replace the word

characteristics

show examples

Also

Linking Words

both

Use synonyms

genders possess similar intellectual abilities. So, why

women

Use synonyms

are not to be considered for a specific career is a questionable thing.

Additionally

Linking Words

career

Add an article

a career

show examples

such

Linking Words

profession

Correct article usage

a profession

show examples

can assist females to gain power and status in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society which they lagged

earlier

Change preposition

in earlier

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

gender

biasis

Correct your spelling

biases

bias

Consequently

Linking Words

balance

Correct article usage

a balance

show examples

of power will bring about harmony and peace.

Moreover

Linking Words

, females are generally more productive individuals at work. Their contribution could take

police

Correct article usage

the police

show examples

force to

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

levels

Fix the agreement mistake

level

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, one study suggests that

women

Use synonyms

's productivity is higher as compared to their male counterparts

due to

Linking Words

their multifarious responsibilities at

both

Use synonyms

home and work. They have to nourish their kids at home,

Linking Words

due

Correct word choice

and due

show examples

this

Linking Words

fact, they finish their work on time.

However

Linking Words

, males do not have

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

household chores on them

thus

Linking Words

they tend to

procastinate

Correct your spelling

procrastinate

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

and they do not have any urgency to go

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

home.

Furthermore

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

will get more things done within a particular

timespan

Correct your spelling

time span

show examples

Such

Linking Words

kinds of great contributors are required in every profession.

To conclude

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

should become part of

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

services department so that their skills get recognized in

soceity

Correct your spelling

society

. Not only it will help them to raise their voice and status in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society but

also

Linking Words

it will help to establish a more democratic and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

equal society.

Submitted by Kiran on Mon Apr 08 2024

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Language Use

Be mindful of maintaining formal language throughout the essay. Terms like 'reckon' might feel too informal for this context. Consider using 'believe' or 'think' instead.

Support and Examples

Try to provide more concrete examples to support your argument. Although you mentioned a study about women's productivity, citing more specific data, research, or cases would make your argument stronger.

Grammar and Sentence Structure

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and aim for a bit more variety in sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.

Argument Structure

You have done a great job presenting a clear thesis statement and maintaining focus on it throughout your essay. This helps in keeping your argument coherent and engaging.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates the thesis in a compelling way, which is excellent practice for closing an argument.

Flow and Logic

The essay demonstrates a good use of transitions and logical sequencing of ideas which aids in the overall flow and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inherent equality
law enforcement
empathy
gender-based violence
community relations
diversity
team performance
systemic gender bias
physical requirements
culture of masculinity

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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some students agree that internet-based lectures is better type lectures. The other students tend to believe that university-based lectures is still needed. Explain your opinion for both sides of the view.

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and tradition methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people today struggle to use modern electronic technology such as smart phones and computers. Why do you think this is ? What can be done to solve this problem ?

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.