IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that what individuals protect the environment cannot make a difference. Other people say that every individual should take responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #environment #difference #responsibility
It is undeniable that
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
environment
 that we are living
is
Change preposition
in is
show examples
 now getting abused
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Some
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should take responsibility
to protect
Change preposition
for protecting
show examples
 our
environment
,
while
 others believe that it should be every individual task to give
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
. In the following paragraph, both of these viewpoints will be
disscused
Correct your spelling
discussed
 in detail. On the one hand, even
what
Correct word choice
though what
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 do seems to be only a small part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 changing the unmeasured
environment
, it can be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 model to others who do not know how to start. Plastic is now
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 one of our major concerns. The arrival of eco-friendly
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
show examples
 has
an enormous effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
an enormous effect
enormous effects
show examples
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 size and durability.
For instance
; we can use it when we are going shopping and put all of our goods from trolly inside the eco bag which is huge and resilient
instead
 of several plastic bags.
Moreover
, most people in our country now
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own vehicle, though in
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
 city we have
comprehensive
Add an article
a comprehensive
show examples
 transport system. We still use our own car because of what
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 us,
such
 as comfort, privacy or safety. If we change the way we commute back and forth by using public transport. It will lead to less traffic congestion, less
hamrful
Correct your spelling
harmful
 particles from combustion and noise from each vehicle makes and makes our community clean and tidy.
On the other hand
, government can play a vital part in our society. they have
authorities
Fix the agreement mistake
authority
show examples
 regarding laws or regulations or to launch a campaign to raise awareness of people. The 3R, comprising reduce, reuse and recycle,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the best noticeable
campaign
Change to a plural noun
campaigns
show examples
 that every class of people can
wasily
Correct your spelling
easily
 understand what it means and what
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 purpose of it. In simple terms, everyone knows how to deal with their trash. plus
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
It's important to provide a clear conclusion to your essay. This helps to summarize your points and present your opinion more effectively.
Content
Try to avoid general statements and focus on more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Specific examples help to illustrate your points more clearly.
Language
Pay attention to sentence structure and aim for variety. Using a variety of sentence structures can make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
Content
You provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is good for this type of essay.
Examples
The introduction of eco-friendly bags and the use of public transportation as examples shows effort to relate to real-world applications, which adds value to your essay.
Structure
Your essay has a logical flow, which aids in the reader's understanding. The progression from individual actions to governmental roles is well executed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collective action
  • significant environmental change
  • personal habits
  • conserving water
  • systemic changes
  • industrial pollution
  • deforestation
  • corporate and governmental policies
  • environmentally friendly practices
  • sustainable products
  • policies and regulations
  • global environmental challenges
  • ripple effect
  • broader societal changes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: